Swan's Guide to Being Single And Staying That Way
by BitterHarpy
Summary: Bella Swan is 35, successful, rich and she knows what she doesn't want in her life: a husband and a family. Can her family introduce her to the one man who could change her mind? Rated M for strong language and the occasional lemon.
1. Chapter 1

Swan's Guide To Being Single...And Staying That Way

_July 15, 2012_

_Dear Journal,_

_Sigh. It happened. Again. I found out someone close to me is pregnant. Can you believe it is Angela? The one person I never thought would get knocked up. Then again I never thought she would get married and now she is with child. She is going to be a blabbering, waddling, hormonal, dilating…girl. She told me in the hallway as I was headed to the OR to do some much needed cutting. I told her congrats and don't get me wrong, I am happy for her, but she is going to be one more person in a line of people chomping at the bit to get me 'settled'. Don't they see that I am happy the way that I am? I am 35, rich, intelligent, successful, pretty…a good doctor and a great lay. Also a tad egotistical but that is to be expected in my field of work._

_They say I need a man. What is this, the 1950's? In this day and time, a woman does not need a man to be whole. Nor does she need children to fulfill some empty place in her soul. My soul is fine and I am all whole and healed…whatever._

_I do not need nor do I want a man. They will all see that no man would ever be enough for me to settle down with._

_They will see._

_4:30am_

The alarm blared and I groaned. I cocked one eye open and peered blearily at the clock.

Ugh. Why the hell am I up this early?

Oh right, I am a brain surgeon.

Almost forgot.

I slapped snooze and passed back out.

_4:35am_

I cracked one eye open and slammed the snooze button again.

Just five more minutes.

_4:40am_

_4:45am_

_4:50am_

I stretched a little and then looked casually over to the alarm clock.

_5:15am_

Shit! I had surgery at six. I glared at the little unobtrusive alarm clock and promised it death later tonight. We had a love hate relationship. It was the fourth one this month and all four had failed to get me out of bed.

Wasn't that their job?

I rushed to get ready and I flew out the door at 5:40 am, my wet hair not making a difference as it was raining…again. Lovely weather we have here in Seattle.

I threw my car in drive and sped the rain laden streets, hoping that traffic wasn't horrible this morning.

At 6:02, I was pulling into my personal parking space. Yes, I have one. No, you don't. Sucks to be you.

I walked into the hospital. Notice I didn't run. Why kill myself when I was already late?

"Swan, you're late."

I grinned at Dr. Victoria Hunter as I stopped at the coffee cart and ordered my usual.

She looked at me expectantly.

"What?" I asked.

"No explanation? No 'Sorry Dr. Hunter that our patient is waiting in the OR but I just crawled out of some random loser's bed and have to have my coffee first'?" She ranted.

"First of all, you want me to have coffee. No coffee for Bella means the end of the world as everyone knows it as I will go postal and gun down the hospital staff. Secondly, I slept alone last night, which is why I need coffee. I am horny which makes me bitchy. Coffee helps and may I point out that this discussion just added like five minutes to the patient's wait, not that it matters as said patient is knocked out, so this conversation is pretty much moot?" I said.

"I hate you." She said, walking away.

"You love me." I called after her.

"Hurry your ass up or you will be needing surgery." She responded.

Two hours later found us scrubbing out. She kept peering at me from the corner of her eye and it was driving me crazy. But it drove her more crazy that she knew that I knew and was ignoring her.

"Bella!"

I laughed.

"What's up, Vicky?" I dried my hands off and leaned against the scrub sink. Vicky was my long time colleague and friend. She was two years ahead of me and was my resident the year I started. She was now the Head of General Surgery and a damn fine one at that.

"The Chief is making noises about retiring at the end of this year." She said.

I nodded. This I knew. The Chief was my step father.

"Yeah. I know. Should be a fun fight." I murmured. Word was they were hiring in house and all the department heads were chopping at the bit, me included. Luckily it was a board decision and Phil couldn't be accused of nepotism like he was with my department head appointment.

"I am taking myself out of it." She informed me.

'What? Why?" I asked.

"James and I are trying to make things work and me adding four hours a day to the already twelve I spend here per day now…" She shook her head. "I have to put my family first and…I'm pregnant."

"You too? Is there something in the water? That's it, I am double bagging a fucker before sex from now on."

"It is not a disease, Bella." Vicky admonished.

"That is your opinion." I said.

Vicky finished up and threw her paper towel in the garbage bin. She turned to me with a small smile.

"One day, you are going to meet your match. You are going to meet a guy who is going to challenge every delusional thought process in that otherwise brilliant mind of yours and I am going to enjoy watching every second of it." She shook her head and walked out the door.

"Ha! Like that will ever happen." I called after her.

Never gonna happen.

Do you hear me? Never.

**So...This is me trying to dip my toes into Twilight fanfic waters. I might succeed, I might fail, but at least I tried, right? Comments are appreciated, flames are not. I don't mind constructive criticism but outright hatred isn't necessary or wanted. This story is finished. It is light, airy and not prone to overwhelming details or cerebral thinking. Just a quick, hopefully funny read. **

**S**


	2. Chapter 2

_July 18, 2012_

_Dear Journal,_

_Why didn't you remind me how much I loathe family functions? Seriously, what is the point of them? To have all the lovely people you are unfortunately related to feel sorry because they are sure you are going to be the old cranky cat lady that everyone avoids and everyone toilet papers her house on Halloween. That will not be me. For one, I hate cats. Two, I am never retiring so I don't care if they avoid me. Three, I will cut anyone who TP s my house. _

_I was surrounded by happy people tonight. Ugh._

_I would write more, but I need tequila._

**Rule #1 Never Introduce Your Family To People You Have Slept With Unless You Want To See Them All The Time**

"So, have you met anyone interesting lately?" Sue asked me, as she took a dainty bite of her dinner.

I was in family dinner hell.

"Define interesting?" I asked, playing stupid.

"Someone who piqued your interest for more than five minutes." Alice interjected.

"Well I fucked this guy last week and he could go for hours." I gushed, as if remembering last week's lay.

"Isabella!" My dad admonished. "Really!"

"Yes, really. And he was hung like a…"

"That's enough. We are eating dinner." Dad interrupted.

"Sorry Charlie, but they asked." I pointed out.

He rubbed his forehead as if I had given him a headache, which I probably had.

"I have repeatedly asked you to call me Dad." He said.

"Sorry Charlie." I replied smartly.

"So…Emmett and I have news." Rose changed the subject. I knew there was a reason I loved her.

Then a thought occurred to me.

"Oh God, you aren't pregnant again, are you? Cause I can't stand the extra months of bitchiness." I said frankly.

She shot me a dirty look.

"No, I am not pregnant again. Emily is only eight months old." She said referring to my newest niece. Kid was cute and that is all you are getting out of me.

"Oh good. So what is the news then?" I asked, taking a bite of my chicken. So good. That is the reason I come to these things. I am only here for the food.

"I don't know if I want to tell you now." Rose said all prissy like.

"Seeing as I am the reason you have Emily, had better tell me now." I smirked.

"This again? Really?" Rose threw her hands up in the air. "How many times are you going to remind me and Alice that you have slept with our husbands?" She asked.

I looked shrewdly at Jasper, Alice's husband, and Emmett, Rose's husband, with a raised eyebrow. They were both one of my famous one night stands. Not recently. God, please don't think I fuck my sister's husbands. This was four and three years ago respectively. They were both…talented. Once I was done with them, we became friends, they met Alice and Rose and the rest is family hell history. Oh, and both were my co workers.

Yes I shit where I eat. Sue me. A girls gotta get hers.

"As many times as it gets me my way, little sister."

"Okay girls." Sue said warningly. "What is your news Rose?"

"Emmett's best friend is finally moving here!" She shot a meaningful look at her mother and Alice.

"Really? That is wonderful!" Sue gushed.

"Is that all? Who cares?" I asked. Not to be a bitch…okay I was a bitch…but how is that exciting news? "So, Emmett's loser friend is moving to Seattle. Let's call the presses."

"Oh, that has already been done." Emmett smirked.

The way he said it made me take pause.

"Why? Who is it?" I asked. I thought back to their wedding, what I remembered of it. Tequila. Nuff said. I do remember a very talented bartender, if you know what I mean.

Rose stifled a laugh.

"Oh Sister Dear, that is for us to know and for you to find out." She taunted.

"Okay then, rectals are for me to assign and for you to do." I said sweetly, reminding my younger third year resident sister that I was boss.

Her eyes narrowed.

"You wouldn't." She hissed.

"Try me."

"I would, but I don't do family members." She shot back.

"Ooh, spoken like a true smartass. I knew you had it in you." I looked to Sue and Charlie. "We are related. I was worried for a minute that Sue had boinked the milkman."

Sue rolled her eyes. She was used to me by now. She has known me since I was five.

"Okay dinner is apparently over. Let's go the den and visit for a while before the babies wake up."

Yes, she said babies. As in plural. Alice and Jasper had a two year old son, Jake. They moved fast. Like lightning fast. I slept with him on a Friday, he met Alice on the Sunday after and she was knocked up a month later. See? Fast.

We all got up.

"Bella?" Sue called out sweetly.

Oh God, I knew that tone. Time for the guilt trip portion of our evening.

"Yes?" I said tolerably…well for me anyway.

"I have something for you. Well, I made it." She said.

I walked over to the box and accepted it when she handed it to me.

I opened it as if a snake were inside to bite me. Sue's creations were never pretty but she meant well. She was the nicest woman I had ever had the pleasure to meet. So I would accept her ugly scarf and wear it when I was around her…as long as it wasn't in public. Can't get laid if you look like you shop at Knitters R Us.

I took the item out of the box. "Thank you for the …." I looked at it.

"What is it?" I asked.

"It's a onesie." She said proudly.

"A whatsie?"

"A onesie. Babies wear…"

"Okay, stop right there." I took a deep calming cleansing breath. And when that didn't work I counted to ten…twenty…thirty…shit, this wasn't working.

"Sue, this might have escaped your notice but I don't have children. I don't plan on having children. As in my ovaries have cobwebs on them and are calcifying as we speak."

She patted my hand in what I am sure she saw as a motherly gesture but I only saw as condescending.

"Bella, Dear, you are still young. You just haven't met the right guy yet. You will and then you will see what all of us have been saying all along. It is my greatest hope to see all of my children, and yes I do include you in that statement, to be settled down and married with children before I pass on."

And there it is…

I could have said a whole laundry list of snarky things but instead I just patted her hand back.

"Sure, sure." I soothed, trying to fight the urge to rip my hair out.

"Great! So just take this with you and we will start on a whole collection of these so when that day does come, you will be all set."

"Great…" I repeated shakily. No not from emotion but from withdrawl. I needed tequila…now.

"Well let's go join the others." She suggested.

"Do you mind if I just go on home? I had a long day today and I have surgery at 6:30 tomorrow morning."

"Of course, Dear, you work way too hard." She admonished.

"I know."

I said my goodbyes and took leave as fast as humanly possible.

I was now swigging tequila from the bottle and glaring indignantly at the pale yellow knitted monstrosity lying on my bed. I was debating between simply throwing it away or lighting it on fire.

Fire, I decided.

That was one way to make their dreams for me go up in flames.

**Thanks for the adds to favorites and the reviews. Special kudos to Nina, who stealthily discovered the Grey's Anatomy undertones. And, yes, Bella is very OOC in this but I like that. If she were always canon Bella, it would get boring. ;)**


	3. Chapter 3

_July 23, 2012_

_Dear Journal,_

_I am pissed! Seems that since Vicky took herself out of the running for the race for Chief, the Chief himself decided to up and hire an outsider to make things more 'even'. How am I related to this asshole? Oh yeah, my mother was a filthy whore, left my dad and married the Chief before the ink was dry on the divorce papers._

_I don't know who this guy is, but seems he is a Neurosurgeon. What. The. Fuck?_

_Why do we need another one of those? We have me. I am THE Neuro Godess. If the Chief thinks I am going to lie down over this, he is crazy._

_Not a word…_

**Rule #2 ~ Never Defend Your Choice Of Lifestyle To Your Family. They Wouldn't Understand Anyhow. Just Nod And Act Like You're Listening To Them.**

"I told you, Dr. Swan, this doctor is just what the University of Washington Medical Center needs."

"It is just the two of us, call me Bella and for God's sake just call it U Dub. What the fuck is it with the long ass title?"

"Language, Isabella."

Oh, Good. Not.

"Renee. What a pleasant surprise…" I trailed off. I can't even finish that sentence. There is not much love lost between us.

"Please, there is nothing pleasant about it." She said, kissing Phil on the cheek and sitting down gracefully on the couch.

"Then why are you here?" I asked.

"I came here to take Phil to lunch. Do you want to come along?" She said.

"No, I like digesting my food, thanks."

Phil stood up. I took that as my cue to go away.

"Bella, you are a brilliant surgeon and him coming here doesn't undermind that. You just do what you are good at, cutting." He assured me.

"Okay. But just so you know I am going to kick his ass." I warned.

"Bella." He sighed.

"Leave her alone, Phil. Nothing wrong with a little healthy competition."

I looked at Renee in surprise.

A beeper went off and Phil and I both looked.

Not mine. Crap.

He looked apologetically at Renee. She just smiled and waved him off. He left and Renee looked at me.

"Now you have to go to lunch with me." She demanded. "I wanted to talk to you anyway." She began leading me down the hall.

"About? I told you, I don't care if you cut me out of your will. I have more money now then I know what to do with." I said.

"No, not about that."

We entered the cafeteria. Ugh. You would think a bunch of wealthy doctors would get some better food in here.

We selected our choices and my mother paid for them. Thanks Mother, a whole 6.95...

We settled down and began eating. Actually, I began hovering my food while pinching my nose. This shit sucked.

"Manners."

I rolled my eyes and swallowed and then grimaced.

"Why does everything in a hospital have to taste like a hospital?" I complained.

"It definitely hasn't gotten any better since I worked here, has it?" She said.

My mother making small talk. Okay, I could do this.

"I know, right?" Agreement was a good start.

"I wanted to talk to you about something, Isabella." She began.

I was instantly worried. She seemed kind of serious.

"Are you okay? I mean, you are not sick and dying or anything, are you?" That would suck.

"No. I am fine. Thanks for your concern though. I know that we are not close."

I snorted. I couldn't help it. That was the understatement dating back since the beginning of time. Before Baby Jesus graced us with his presence.

Renee shot me a dirty look.

"As I was saying, I know that we don't always see eye to eye but I want that to change."

"O…kay?"

"So I thought we could…talk." She said.

"Talk?" I asked.

"Yes, you know, words that come out of people's mouths…usually without cursing or sarcastic undertones." She said.

"Yeah I know what it is. I was just asking because that is not something we have ever attempted so just seeing if you knew what the word meant."

"Case in point…" Renee said.

I sighed. Ever wonder what it was like growing up as the only child of Renee Swan Dwyer? Don't wonder, you are better off not knowing. But if you must know...

It sucked.

Want me to expand on that?

Really sucked.

"What do you want to talk to me about?" I asked.

"Well, I want to know you. Let's start with your personal life." She suggested.

I raised an eyebrow. Then I mentally shrugged. She asked for it.

"Well, I lost the big V when I was fifteen…on your bed actually. I have lost count of how many sexual partners I have had but if I had to guess…at least two a month, four if I was especially horny times twenty years equals…figuring low is four hundred and eighty and figuring high is nine hundred and sixty. They should give out awards for shit like this. Ooh, last week there was this guy…"

"Enough!" She practically yelled.

I sat back and smirked.

"That is what I thought. You can't accept me for me." I said calmly.

"I have left you alone about this for far to long. You are thirty five, it is time to settle down. I do want grandchildren before I die."

I openly gaped at my mother. Did she and Sue take notes from each other?

"You…want…what?" I gasped out.

"Grandchildren." She repeated.

"You didn't even want kids." I said, confused.

Her look softened.

"Isabella, I know we don't have the easiest relationship but I do love you and want the best for you. I wanted to see you become a doctor and you did…a brilliant one in fact. But your personal life is lackluster and void of meaning. So I took it upon myself to find you someone." She smiled.

"I'm…you…huh…what?" I sputtered.

"The new doctor coming to U Dub? He is a very charming young man. Good looking, too. I really think it would be a good match…"

My chair scraped loudly against the flooring as I bolted from my chair.

"You too? Seriously? What the fuck is wrong with you? You were the one who told me to be a doctor, forget a personal life. Be Extraordinary, you said." I accused.

She looked at me sadly.

"There will be one day when you are done cutting and you go home and there is no one there to greet you. I don't want that for you."

"Well, that isn't up to you, now is it? Thanks for lunch."

I walked away swiftly, trying to stomp down the feelings of betrayal.

Why couldn't anyone see I was happy?

**AN: Now I know that her number of men seem high but if you do the math, that is what you come up with. Also keep in mind that she is being sarcastic and is trying to get under her mother's skin...**

**Think it worked?**

**Oh and Happy New Year. They say that whatever you are doing at midnight is what you will be doing all year...so sleeping? Sounds good to me.**


	4. Chapter 4

**I had a guest reviewer yesterday that left a long review that ranted and raved and I LOVED IT. I loved her passion. I agree with most everything you said. Bella is extreme and over the top and out of character and I did that for a reason. She is a slut with no morals and she doesn't make any excuses for it. And yes she has definite mommy issues! I'll touch on that later in the story. And her family means well but they are like most other families, they think they know best. I really wish I knew you could read my response but there it is. Thanks for that wonderful review!**

_July 25, 2012_

_Dear Journal_

_I need a release…like now. BOB just isn't getting it done this time. Everyone in my life is going bat shit crazy and I am caught in the middle. It is like they are conspiring against me. I see O'Malley's in my very near future. Then I hope to have an orgasm or two directly after._

_Wish me luck._

_Not that I need it._

**Rule # 3 Never Take A Guy To Your Place. Always Go To Theirs. Easier To Leave Than To Kick A Guy Out.**

"Where are you going all dressed up?"

I looked at my best friend and person, Angela Weber. She was the newest pregnant traitor. I remember when we met…we shared everything…a house, an internship, a car, our views on remaining single…

Then she met Ben and all hell broke loose.

I still loved her, though. Even if she was glowing and happy and ugh.

"O'Malley's." I said simply.

"Dressed like that?" She asked, her eyebrow raised. Oh yes, how things have changed. She used to say that we might as well go naked as it would save us a few steps, now she raised her eyebrow and tried not to judge me.

I looked in the mirror at my reflection. Black halter dress that hit lower mid thigh, strappy heels, hair down and curled around my shoulder, minimal makeup. I looked hot.

"Yes. And no panties. I am all about easy access, you know." I teased.

She just shook her head but to her credit, she remained quiet. I adored her for that. After the few days I have had, I needed to blow off some steam.

Emphasis on blow.

I left after blowing her a kiss and walked over to O'Malley's. I loved the fact that there was a bar practically in the hospital's parking lot.

The bar was busy for a Sunday night. Then I remembered the new interns just got off of their first forty eight hour shift. Stupid people should be sleeping, not drinking. They would learn.

I walked through the room heading directly to the bar. I felt the gazes of the interested and the glares of the jealous. Neither bothered me.

"Hey, Seth." I smiled warmly at one of the two men that had been in my life since I was twenty five. He was sweet, funny and gay. Perfect.

"Your usual?" He asked.

"Of course."

He poured me a shot of the other constant man in my life, Jose. Ahhhh…

We chatted over inconsequential happenings in our lives for a few minutes.

"Incoming. Three o'clock." He murmured.

"Your three o'clock or my three o'clock?" I asked.

"Yours." He said quickly and then he smiled.

"Hey. Welcome to O'Malley's! What can I get you?"

I swear if there was ever a voice that could make a girl cum, this guy had it.

"Double Scotch, Single Malt."

"Coming right up." He nodded at me slightly. So this guy had the Seth Seal of Approval…

"Is this... uh... a good place to hang out?"

I smirked to myself. Here we go. I played it coy avoiding looking at him.

"Uh. I don't know, never been here before." I lied.

**Rule #3, Appendix A…Never Tell A Guy In A Bar That You Frequent Said Bar. They Will Come Looking For You Again.**

"Oh you know what? I haven't either. First time here. I'm new in town. Never been to Seattle." I felt him sit down next to me. God, he smelled good.

"New job, so." He said.

I studiously stared straight ahead. If he smelled good and he sounded good, he had to be a person of the mongrel persuasion.

"Ah, you're ignoring me." He realized.

Smart, too. This man had to be ugly.

"I'm trying to." I said sounding bored.

"You shouldn't ignore me."

"Why not?" I asked.

"Because I'm someone you need to know to love."

That got my attention. I finally looked at him.

Oh. Em. Gee.

I see no doggies here but hopefully some doggy style coming right up.

I smirked at him.

"Really?"

"Oh, yes." He assured me, his green eyes twinkling.

"So if I know you, I'll love you?"

Dude had balls, I'll give him that.

"Oh, yes." He said confidently.

"You really like yourself, huh?" I asked.

"Just hiding my pain." He explained.

We both laughed.

"So what's your story?" He asked, his voice turning husky as he leaned in slightly.

Oh this guy was good…

**Rule #4, Appendix B…Don't Share Personal Details. This Is Not Therapy, This Is A Random Fuck.**

"I don't have a story. I'm just a girl in a bar." I diverted.

He held up his glass and nodded as if to say 'touché'.

"I'm just a guy in a bar."

I looked at him and mulled over a few things before moving forward.

This guy was smart, had a great voice, dressed nice, had a sense of humor, his looks were killer…

Yes or no…

What the hell am I thinking? Hell yes.

"Well we could be a guy and a girl at your place." I suggested boldly.

He swigged back his drink and placed his glass deliberately on the bar.

"I live forty five minutes away." He informed me. "Your place?" He asked.

I paused. Rule # 4 was blaring across my brain.

_Mayday! Mayday! Abort! Abort!_

Screw the rules and get screwed was a new motto of mine, just in this instance.

"Sure." I agreed. He threw some money on the bar, covering both of our drinks. His eyes never left mine. I know this because mine never left his.

I don't remember how we got to my house, I don't know how we got out of the cab…all I know is I am trying to unlock my damn door and he is kissing my neck and I am more glad than usual that I am not wearing panties. I finally get the key in the lock and the door swings open. He sweeps me into my foyer and next thing I knew, I was against the wall, legs wrapped around his waist and I was grinding shamelessly against his hardening length.

And can I just say…

Boy is packin'.

Thank you Baby Jesus.

His mouth broke from mine, panting into my mouth. I absorbed his sweet breath gladly.

"I never do this." He whispered.

"Neither do I." I am speaking about the kissing on the mouth, but he doesn't need to know that.

He swooped back in and captured my mouth again, his teeth catching on my lower lip and tugging.

I gushed. Like literally…my legs were wet from my arousal.

I felt one of his hands leave my back as he fumbled with his belt. I reached in between us to help him out. Our hands met for the first time, skin to skin. I jolted underneath the electric surge. He stopped for a minute, as did I.

What the fuck was that?

I decided to ignore it and I began yanking his belt in frantic attempts to get his cock free and in me. It gave way.

Finally.

I unzipped his slacks and reached in, wrapping my small hand around his large cock and pulling it out. I slowly stroked him up and down, twisting my hand.

He groaned and threw his head back. I ran my thumb over the head and brought the moisture of his precum to my mouth.

"Hmmm." I sighed in delight. Not too bitter. I would have to give him head before I kicked him out.

But not right now.

I positioned myself above him and slowly slipped him inside me, inch by delicious inch.

"Fuck." I panted. I had never in all my years of having sex, felt this…this…

Complete.

If I thought that our hands touching gave me a jolt, well then, this had to be an electric power surge. I felt like dude was electrocuting me.

He stayed still for a long moment; his eyes closed, his mouth open. I knew he was concentrating on not blowing his load prematurely. Thank God for that.

Finally he moved, almost slipping all the way out before slamming back into me.

"Holy Shit!" I screamed as my back hit the wall, along with my head and my ass. His pace was brutal, unrelenting…as if he was fucking his demons right out of him.

Not a problem with me. Go right on ahead.

"So fucking tight." He murmured, before grabbing my hair at the nape of my neck and fucking my mouth in the same rhythm as he was my pussy.

I squeezed my walls tight upon each thrust, effectively strangling his cock.

He brought his other hand down and cupped my ass with it, making him hit deeper.

Oh that's it. That's the spot.

"Right there. Like that. I am almost there. Don't stop. God please don't stop." I murmured in a string of gasps and pants.

I felt the coil start to burn in my lower abdomen, felt my body tense, felt the flush starting at my face, felt my toes start to curl.

"I need you to cum first. I need you to cum hard. I need you to strangle my cock with your tight pussy." He whispered into my ear.

Oh My God…

And he talked dirty?

Where the fuck did they grow this fucker?

That sent me right over the edge and I screamed loudly as I came hard doing exactly as he had demanded. Just want to point out, I am not usually this accommodating, but it was for a good cause. Insert eye wink.

Then his body tensed and he pounded into me as he released, burying his head in my shoulder and muttering several choice curse words into my neck.

I felt sated, yet ready for more.

He brought his head up to look at me, his eyes full of varying emotion. The main one being amusement.

"Hey." He said.

I burst into peals of laughter.

"Seriously, you just fucked me nine different ways until next Sunday and all you have to say is 'Hey'?"

"I couldn't think of anything else to say." He joined me in my laughter.

"Um…do have a bathroom?" He asked.

"Nope, just an outhouse." I quipped.

He grinned and slowly let me down. And then he held me up when my legs decided to stop working.

Cause that is not at all embarrassing.

So glad I will never see this guy again.

"Bathroom in right there." I pointed to a closed door.

"I will be right back. Stay just like this." He said, sitting me on my couch.

"Why?" I asked.

"I'm not done with you yet." He informed me before heading into my bathroom.

Oh, thank you Baby Jesus.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

**Thank you all for the wonderful and warm responses. Sorry for the two day break but college starts make up Monday and I had to get some things prepared. **

**S**


	5. Chapter 5

**I keep forgetting to put a disclaimer! So here goes. **

**I don't own shit. Not Twilight, not Grey's Anatomy. I am poor. I make no money from this. At all. Broke bitch right here. So don't sue me. See the reasons above why it would be a waste of time and effort. BUT if you want to make me part of a Rob and Patrick sammich, I would not protest. Come to Mama. **

**And yes, this chapter and the one previous borrow very heavily from Grey's Anatomy. It was my first real adult couple ship. I'm obsessive like that. *shrugs***

_July 26, 2012_

_Dear Journal_

_I am sore. Like really sore. Like fucked all night long sore. I don't have time to give you the details but let me just say._

_Oh._

_My._

_God._

_Part of me wishes I was willing to break my rules, but as you know, I would never do that. The rules are in place for certain reasons. I just wish everyone could understand that._

**Rule #5 Never Underestimate Your Competition…In or Out of the Bedroom. Try Not To Lick Them Either…**

I slowly woke up, my head pounding. For once it wasn't because of the tequila, it was because my one night stand had practically given me a concussion slamming my head against the wall.

No biggie, a couple of aspirin and I would be as good as new.

I stretched languidly on the couch and blinked, slowly coming to life. I peered blearily at the antique grandfather clock in my living room and gasped.

_6:11_

I was going to be late.

Again.

I sat up quickly and shot off the couch, tripping over something in the floor and landing on it.

"Oompf." It said, before opening its green eyes and smiling slowly as it saw me.

"Um…" It…er…he said.

"This is humiliating on so many levels." I said with embarrassment, getting up and grabbing a pillow off the couch to cover his junk.

"You have to go." I said.

He sat up and threw off the pillow.

"Why don't you get back down here and we'll pick up where we left off?" He suggested.

I looked down at his peen bobbing up and down on his abdomen. Oh how I loved morning wood. I steeled myself and looked back at his face.

"No, seriously, you have to go. I'm late, which is not what you want to be when you have the kind of job that I do. People get cranky, co workers…hormonally pregnant co workers…get all hormonal on you and I do not want to deal with that today. No thank you." I paused in my rambling. "Where was I?"

His lips twitched as he clearly suppressed laughter. He stood up and grabbed his boxers, slipping them on. My eyes mourned the loss of such a fine penal specimen.

"Late for work." He supplied.

"Yeah."

"So you live here?" He asked, looking around as he pulled up his slacks.

"No, I brought you to some stranger's house to deflower you…yes, I live here." I snarked.

"Nice. Really nice. What is it you said you did for a living?" He asked.

"I didn't. You know what? We don't have to do the thing."

"Oh, we can do anything you want." He said.

"No, exchange the details, pretend we care." I saw his lips twitch again. So glad I could amuse him this morning. "Look, I am going to go upstairs and take a shower and when I get back down here, you won't be here. So goodbye…um…"

"Edward." He chuckled.

"Right, Edward. Bella." I shook his extended hand over the couch where I had placed myself for protection. Okay, it was so I didn't jump him again this morning. I was kind of sore after round FOUR last night.

"Bella." God, my name sounded so good coming from his lips.

"Yeah…mmm hmmm." I murmured.

"Nice meeting you, Bella." He said.

Gah! He said my name again. I think I am going to cum.

I had to get out of there, now.

"Bye, Edward." I said, grabbing my hand that was still encased in his and bolting up the stairs.

Tap your heels together three times and repeat after me. I am never going to see him again. I am never going to see him again. I am never going to see him again.

How little did I know.

"Heard you were late again." Angela said as we walked down the hall towards the Chief's meeting to introduce us to the cock my mother had flown in for me.

"I was." I confirmed.

"Who was it this time?" She asked. "Or did you not get a name?" She asked.

"I got a name." I defended. "After…"

Rose snorted as she joined us.

"You got laid last night, I see." She observed.

"Who got laid?" Jasper said, joining us.

"Who else?" Angela pointed to me.

"Go Bells. Was he better than me?" Jasper teased.

"Ewww. Gross." I gagged.

"What? You didn't think it was gross while we were doing it." He defended.

"That was before you married my sister. Now that just means I fucked my brother." I said.

"Two of your brothers." Rose muttered.

"If it bothers you so much, why did you go for my sloppy seconds?" I taunted.

"Like it is actually possible to find someone who hasn't slept with you. I would've had to turn lesbian." She shot back.

"That might've been a problem, too." I teased.

She flipped me off with a disgusted expression on her face.

"Ooh. I am liking you more and more each and every day." I teased.

"Shut up." She laughed.

"Where's Emmett?" I asked.

"With his friend." She said.

"Oh, so he arrived and what, Emmett was so excited he took the day off? I would be very worried if I were you." I laughed.

"No, his friend is the new doctor that the Chief hired." She informed me and then went into the auditorium to find a seat.

I froze, not noticing that everyone had up and left me.

Emmett's friend was the man who my mother had my step father hire to sweep me off my feet?

Is this confusing anyone other than me?

I squared my shoulders and prepared for battle. No one was marrying me off.

No one.

I slipped into a seat up front and center. I wasn't surprised to see my mother doing what I can only describe as fawning over someone that Emmett was blocking, tall and muscular fucker that he is. Phil was saying something and they all laughed.

Oh tee hee hee. How funny you are Mr. Boss Man.

"You look spastic." Angela said, joining me. She handed me a bag of chips and a bottled water.

"Ooh snacks." I said.

"Why do you look spastic?" She asked.

I pointed the group of people I was watching.

"See them right there?"

"Yeah."

"That is Emmett McCarty, head of plastics, and Phil Dwyer, chief of surgery, and Renee Swan Dwyer, finest woman surgeon ever, and the new big shot Neurosurgeon."

"Yeah I know that. Pregnancy has not made me stupid." She pointed out.

"Nope, but getting that way shows how stupid you really are." I quipped and then shot her a grin.

She was not amused.

"Anyway, that is not who I am looking at right now. I see Emmett, my brother in law, Phil, my step father, Renee, my mother and the walking penis they had flown in for me to make me 'settle down'." I finished with air quotes.

"Seriously? Who's idea was that?" She asked casually.

Way too casually.

"I was going to say Renee but now I am not so sure if it wasn't a joint effort." I said, staring her down.

"I have no idea what you are referring to." She said, adopting a snotty attitude and sniffing.

Like she actually sniffed.

"Uh huh. Sure you don't. Just know I am on to you, to all of you. And it won't work."

"Hello everyone. I called you in here today to introduce you to our newest addition to the University of Washington Medical Center family."

Was anyone else rolling their eyes?

"Dr. Edward Cullen." He finished.

I had tuned out by that point and was calculating how to get an intern to go across the street to get my lunch without getting caught using them for my personal gain.

"It is nice to meet all of you…"

I stopped breathing.

No. No. No! No! No!

It couldn't be. Oh Baby Jesus, please do not let that man be who I think it is. Who I know it is.

I cracked open one eye and peeked.

There, in all his glory, smirking at me, was none other than my 'Fuck Me Nine Ways Until Sunday, Make My Good Girl Hurt So Good' one night stand.

I'm fucked.

And not in a good way…

**Thanks for all the reviews and adds. Like I said this fic is finished so I hope to stay on a once a day posting schedule until it's all posted. I might miss some days as college has started back, I have a full time job and I have two girl children who like to eat. Why, I have no idea. LOL ~ S  
**

**Also, I know these chapters are short but I write short chapters. So consider this a drabblish fic. And a shoutout to my sister, M, who left a gushing review on this fic. Sorry Sis, it doesn't count if your family. You are supposed to love me, lol. **


	6. Chapter 6

_July 26, 2012 - Take Two_

_Dear Journal_

_I am back. I am in shock. I am…I don't know what I am. Pissed. Livid. Cranky. Pre Menstrual. Take your pick. What has this world come to when I am debating having to have random men fill out an application before I fuck them? 'Please sir, I need your name, address, social security number, place of employment, medical history, and credit score. I will get with my private investigator and get back to you next week. Thanks.'_

_Yeah like that doesn't kill the mood…_

_UGH!_

**Rule # 6 Avoid Private Places When A Former One Night Stand Might Seek You Out. It Does Happen Occasionally, So Be Prepared, Be Firm And Above All Else, Stay In Control!**

I bolted out of that room as soon as it was acceptable to do so. I may have knocked over a few people, but they should know to get out of my way.

"Bella!"

Fucker was following me?

I felt a hand grab the crook of my arm and tug me into…somewhere. A stairwell. I looked up the stairs and down the stairs.

Empty.

I don't do empty when a former one night stand is dragging me there.

"Dr. Cullen." I began calmly. I did have to work with him so I wasn't going to go completely ape shit over this. I would just calmly explain my rules and that would be that.

"Dr. Cullen? This morning it was Edward. Now it is Dr. Cullen?" He teased, those green eyes twinkling at me again.

Stop twinkling at me!

"Dr. Cullen, we should pretend it never happened." I said firmly.

"Pretend what never happened? You sleeping with me last night, or you kicking me out this morning? Because both are fond memories I'd like to hold on to."

"There will be no memories! I am not the girl in the bar anymore, and you are not the guy. This can't exist. You get that, right?"

"You took advantage of me and now you want to forget it." He nodded.

"I did not take…" I began.

"I was drunk, vulnerable and good looking. You took advantage." He interrupted.

I smiled for I couldn't help myself.

"Neither of us were drunk and you are not that good looking."

"Maybe not today, but last night I was very good looking. I had my green shirt on. My good looking shirt. You took advantage." He smirked.

"I did not take advantage." I protested.

I was quickly losing control. I couldn't have that.

"Let's take advantage again. Say Friday night?" He asked.

I stood there in shock.

"No. You are my co worker. We work together. And we both want Chief."

Edward leaned forward slightly, lips parted. He was going to kiss me.

God I wanted him to.

No! No…

"Stop looking at me like that!" I demanded.

"Like what?" He retorted.

"Like you've seen me naked!" I snapped.

I wanted to slap that smirk off of his face.

"Dr. Cullen! This is inappropriate. Has that ever occurred to you?" I asked, before leaving hastily.

Okay, I never really care if I am appropriate but I had to get out of there.

I think I am losing it….

"Why are you hiding?"

I looked up from my place in the research library.

"I'm not hiding, I am researching. Hence why you found me in the research library." I said sarcastically.

Angela sat down next to me and waited patiently. We had been friends for ten years and she knew me well enough to know I would talk when I was ready.

"Was that part of the plan?' I asked.

"Was what part of what plan?" She asked.

"Knock it off, Ang." I warned.

"Did we all sit down and talk with your best interests at heart? Yes. Did Renee take one look at this guy and say that he would be perfect for you? Yes. Did Phil hire him because of that? No. I mean that was Renee's driving force but Phil isn't going to compromise the integrity of this hospital just to 'marry' you off. And he is Emmett's friend and the truth is, he is a great doctor and Phil and Emmett have been trying to woo him here for years. This is not all about you, Bella." She said.

"Why couldn't you all just leave well enough alone?" I asked, looking at her.

"We love you. We want you to be happy."

"I am happy, damnit!" I yelled, causing her to smirk because my tone suggested that at that moment, I was not happy.

"No, you are content. Not happy."

"I am happy." I repeated again, frustrated.

"Okay, then why does this bother you so much? Why did you freeze and bolt the minute you saw him?" She asked.

I looked around the library.

"You can't comment, react or make a face in anyway. And you can't tell anyone!" I paused. "I slept with him."

"Just now?" She asked.

"No, last night."

"He was your one night stand?" She asked, her voice loud.

"Will you keep it down, please. Yes. And it was horrible of you guys to set me up that way." I said.

"Wait. What? You think that we sent him there with the express purpose of picking you up and taking you home to fuck you?" She asked.

"Isn't that what happened?" I responded bitterly.

"No. It's not." She said directly.

"Well, it probably wasn't hard for him to figure out." I said.

"Bella. He doesn't know. He is here for the job and for Emmett, but he doesn't know about you. Emmett was going to work on him once he got settled in. This was all you two."

"So he approached me all on his own?" I asked.

"Yes. Way to go, Cullen." She said. "So was it good? He looks like he would be good…was it any good?" She asked.

"Yes, it was good. It was better than good. But that is neither here nor there. We will have a respectful working relationship, which will result in me kicking his ass and taking over as Chief of Surgery." I declared.

"As if. You know I am going to take you down." She said.

"Oh please, you will be elbow deep in dirty diapers and spit up. You aren't even on the radar." I taunted.

"Yeah , you are probably right. And that is okay. It's what I want." She said.

"Since when? I mean you getting married was surprise enough, but to have a kid…when did you decide you wanted this? And why didn't I know?" I asked.

"We have been talking about it for a while and we decided that if it happened, it happened. Why didn't I tell you? Because I knew you would scoff at my choice, just like you did. No one wants their decisions thrown up in their faces." She said.

"I feel that way every day when everyone tells me that I need to settle down, and marry well, and pop out ten babies. I didn't mean to hurt you though. You are my person and I miss you." I said.

I felt her arms envelop me.

"I'm right here. I am not as hard core or as bad ass as I used to be, but I am still here and I still know you better than anyone else in this world. I still support you and I want the best for you and if you say you are happy, then I will back off, but I can't speak for everyone. Just know that anytime you need me, anytime of day or night, you know where I am. Okay?"

"Yeah. Are we done with this girly moment? Cause I feel like I want to hurl." I asked.

"And she's back." Angela joked.

"Yes I am back and I have some serious ass to kick. I'll catch up with you later."

I walked out of that room just then with a new resolve. I desired Cullen, I did, but I knew just how to ignore it.

By engaging in battle…

And winning.

**Oh Bella, you blind girl, you. **

**Thanks as always for the favorites and the adds and the comments and the all out awesomeness. I think our Edward needs a name. Any ideas?**


	7. Chapter 7

**Once again. I don't own Twilight or Grey's. I do own this new fantabulous Gateway computer, though, which brings you Patientward every day? No? Persistantward? Ugh, I don't know. It'll come to me.**

_July 31, 2012_

Dear Journal

I have discovered several things about myself this last week. One of these is that I am good at evasion. I haven't seen hide nor hair of the illustrious Dr. Cullen since Monday and we are both neurosurgeons. How good am I?

Pretty damn good if I do say so myself. I have put that one night stand behind me and I have set things in motion to be the new Chief of Surgery of University of Washington Medical Center…first order of business will be to lobby to change that damn long ass name.

**Rule # 7 Elevators Are The New Back Seats. Steer Clear Of Them..**

"We meet again."

I stiffened, then cringed when I heard the low velvety voice close to my ear. Shit. My radar must be off today.

"Well, we do work in the same hospital." I replied, my tone bored.

"That we do, but yet, I haven't seen you since Monday. Wonder why that is?" He asked, knowingly.

He is on to me. Crap.

"I obviously work harder than you." I said.

"Yeah, must be very hard to dart into rooms when you see me coming." I could practically hear the smirk that was on his lips.

"I don't know what you are talking about." I said.

"Sure you don't." He replied. "Do you know that Seattle has ferry boats?"

Was he for real?

"Seattle is surrounded by water on three sides." I confirmed.

The elevator opened. Thank God.

Then he followed me on to the empty elevator. When has any elevator ever been empty here? I went as far back as I could and he stood in front of me facing the doors.

"Hence the ferry boats. Now I have to like it here. Wasn't planning it on liking it here. I'm from New York. I'm genetically engineered to dislike everywhere except Manhattan. I have a thing for Ferry boats."

"I'm not going out with you." Might as well clear the air while we are here.

"Did I ask you to go out with me?" He turned back to look at me but I stayed silent so he turned back to the doors.

"Do you want to go out with me?" I swear I could now _hear _the smile on his face.

Time to nip this in the bud for good.

"I'm not dating you. And I'm definitely not sleeping with you again. You're my competition for a job I have wanted my whole life. And you're sexually harassing me."

"I'm riding an elevator." He protested.

"Look I'm drawing a line. The line is drawn. There's a big line." I huffed.

"So this line, is it imaginary or do I need to get you a marker?"

He turned around to face me and I just…snapped. I dropped the charts I had previously been carrying and I pushed him against the wall and planted one right on his soft lips. It didn't take long for him to join in. He shoved his tongue in my mouth as he held my head still so he could plunder my lips. I grabbed his back and pressed him as close to me as possible while grinding against his cock. Someone moaned.

It might have been me…

Then the elevator dinged and I pushed him away from me and quickly started to gather the charts as he just stood there with a dopey look on his face, his hand holding his lab coat closed in front of his engorged groin. I stood up just as the doors opened and I hurried down the hall.

"We'll talk later?" I heard him ask in amusement.

So much for avoidance.

"Okay so now I am going to clip this artery, why?" I asked to the room full of interns.

"To control the bleeding." An eager intern answered.

"Yes, and why do we want to control the bleeding?" I asked.

Silence.

How hard was that question?

"Cause bleeding is bad." I heard.

I would have closed my eyes in irritation if I didn't have an open brain in front of me.

"Yes, Dr. Cullen, bleeding in your brain is very bad." I replied sarcastically. I felt him come up close behind me.

"May I help you, Dr. Cullen?" I asked.

"No. Just observing." He said innocently as his hips so slightly nudged mine. I sucked in what I hoped was a quiet breath.

His chuckle told me it wasn't.

"What do you want?" I hissed.

"Now that is a loaded question with a very complicated answer. Let's see…"

"I am working here." I said.

"I see that. Don't mind me, I will just be right over there." He pointed to the corner. He then proceeded to sit down in the chair and take out a magazine about…fishing?

I huffed and then got back to work, quickly clipping the aneurysm and having a fourth year close up. I tore off my mask and scrubbed out furiously, glad that my last surgery was done and I could make my notes, do my post ops and go home. I didn't even want to go to O'Malley's.

"That was good work. I mean, a third year could do it, but still, nice."

"Will you go away? And stop sneaking up on me. It's like I have my own personal stalker." I complained.

"Would that be so bad?" He asked, leaning against the sink, arms crossed.

He was a very good leaner.

"Yes! That is bad. Very bad. Stay away from me."

"Excuse me, but aren't you the one who kissed me this morning? I am just trying to clarify what this is. So we are kissing but not dating?"

"I don't know what that was this morning." I admitted.

"Are we going to do it again? Because if so, I need to stock up on breath mints and put more condoms in my wallet." He teased.

"I'm on birth control." I said automatically and then cringed. "I mean just so you know from the other night because we didn't use a condom, not because this is ever going to happen again, because it is not." I rambled.

"Why not?" He asked, his head cocked to the side.

"Why n…I don't date." I said.

"You don't date." He stated.

"No."

"Why not?" He asked.

"I just don't. I don't want to. I am happy being single." I said.

"What would you say if I told you I wanted to date you?' He asked.

I braced my hands on the sink and bowed my head down, taking a deep breath and letting it out.

"I would say that you can go tell Emmett and Rose and Sue and Renee and Phil and everyone else who is pushing you to do this to go to hell." I said.

"What?" He asked, sounding shocked.

I ignored him.

"I mean, what…poor little Bella doesn't have a man, no babies, an empty house so she must need us to step in and show her what is good for her. It's bullshit. So just go away."

"Okay. Now what would you say if I told you I have no idea what you are talking about? I just felt that we had a connection. Can you deny that?"

"It was just sex."

"I think it was more than that. Come on, go out with me and we can find out."

"Why are you hell bent on getting me to go out with you? I keep saying no. It's the chase, isn't it?" I asked.

"Well, it's fun, isn't it?"

"Fun…yeah. So you want to go out with me? Let me tell you a little about me. I have been sleeping around for twenty years. I have never had a boyfriend, nor do I want one. I really have no idea how many people I have fucked, nor do I know half their names. I see some of them on a daily basis, including Jasper and Emmett, your good buddy, who are married to my sisters. You were one in a long line of random fucks." I leaned closer to him. "So tell me, do you still want to date me?"

He stood there in shock.

"Yeah, didn't think so. Nice guys like you have no business with bad girls like me."

I smiled at him.

"I'll see you around."

Mission accomplished.

So why did I feel like crying?

**Sometimes I want to throttle that girl. *shakes head* **

**So who wants an Edward POV? Anyone? Bueller? **

**Sorry for the delay in updating. Flu season finally caught up with me...ugh.**


	8. Chapter 8

_July 31, 2012_

**EPOV**

I sat on my newly built deck, in my newly bought Adirondack chair, right outside of my newly bought specialized Airstream trailer, on my newly bought forty acres of land complete with a lake, a cliff and woods. It was located forty minutes from town and was peaceful.

I liked peace. Solitude not so much. I longed for someone to share it with.

Someone like Bella Swan, or so I had thought. Until I realized she was going to fight me tooth and nail.

I took a swig of my Heineken and stretched my legs out in front of me. I had been out here since I had gotten home, about three hours ago. My freshly caught trout from this morning was simmering on the grill, along with fresh vegetables. I was a bit of a health nut.

I was mulling over our conversation this afternoon in the scrub room. I wasn't too shocked at what she had told me, more so, how she had told me. So matter of fact.

I was surprised that she thought that everyone was conspiring to fix us up. If they were, no one mentioned it to me.

I moved for a change of pace not because I was running away from anything. I had been married before but Tanya and I had been divorced for five years now and the split was amicable. I missed marriage, though. Missed waking up next to the woman I loved, missed holding someone while I slept, missed laughing over funny things, missed arguing over petty things…I missed being loved. However, I didn't miss Tanya. We were always better friends than lovers and her having an affair with our boss only confirmed that. They were now married and pregnant with a baby boy. She was happy and I was happy for her.

I had dated but I had never connected with anyone. Until I met Bella. Walking into the bar that night and deciding to approach her was the best thing I had done in a long while. I had been sitting there and I had smelled her when she walked by…a mixture of freesia and vanilla. I had followed her with my eyes as she had gracefully walked to the bar and engaged in friendly conversation with the bartender. I had been so nervous walking over to her and she had ignored me at first, making me think that I had struck out. My lame attempt at being funny had gotten her attention and when our eyes met…

Pure unadulterated passion.

I accepted her invitation to go home with me with no hesitation on my part, though it was only my second one night stand in my almost forty years. Her declaration that she didn't do this often struck me as false along with her statement that she hadn't been to O' Malley's before, which she had confirmed to me earlier today.

My problem with the whole situation is that even though I don't want to want someone you doesn't want me, I don't believe that she doesn't want me. I think that she is scared to want something, with not just me, but with anyone. I don't know if it was some deep seeded childhood problem or if she just doesn't like change, but I really wanted to figure it out.

It also wasn't that I just wanted someone, I wanted her. Sex with her had been the best sex of my life but it also wasn't just about the sex, it was her. There was just...something about her.

She was detached, but passionate. She was snarky, but caring. She was beautiful and intelligent. She was a wonderful doctor with a great bedside manner. She was patient while teaching the residents. She got along with the nurses.

She was perfectly imperfect.

I wasn't concerned about the former men in her life. She obviously didn't hold any feelings for any of them, save for her one night stands turned brother in laws. Emmett hadn't mentioned that, either. Seems I needed to have a chat with my best friend.

Headlights washed across the trailer.

Speaking of the devil.

He smiled as he got out of the car.

"What are doing in these neck of the woods?" I asked.

"Rose is working tonight and Sue has Emily so I thought I would come and grace you with my presence."

"Why thank you. My life is now complete." I responded dryly.

Emmett sat down after snagging a beer.

"Speaking of complete lives…" He said.

"This wouldn't have anything to do with a certain brunette Neurosurgeon, would it?" I asked.

"Who? Higgins? He is so not your type." Emmett joked.

I just looked at him.

"How do you know?" He asked, sigh.

"I don't know everything, but Bella told me." I informed him.

"How does Swan know?" He asked. Then another thought occurred to him. "Oh Man, she is going to kick my ass." He groaned.

"Scared of a hundred pound woman?" I asked.

"That is the devil in disguise my friend." He said, taking a sip.

"Then why are you trying to set me up with her?" I asked laughing.

"Cause she is a good person and I want her to be happy and if she is happy then Rose is happy and if Rose is happy, I get laid more." He said.

"Ah, there it is." I stated.

"Seriously she is great. A little sarcastic sometimes, but great."

"Sometimes? The venom on her tongue can kill a mere mortal." I joked.

"Well there goes you then." Emmett teased.

"She doesn't date." I said.

"How do you know that? Better yet, why do you know that?" He asked.

"I asked her out…twice. She turned me down…twice. Think I smell?" I asked.

Emmett leaned over to sniff me.

"You smell like fish. Way to impress a girl."

I shoved him away.

"Why did you ask her out?" He asked.

"There is a fierce attraction there. She denies it, but it's there. It was there the first night I met her and it was there this morning when she kissed me in the elevator."

"She kissed you?" He asked, stunned.

"Yeah. Why is that so hard to believe that she would kiss me?" I asked, somewhat offended.

"Swan doesn't kiss. Ever. I didn't even think she even knew how." He said.

"How would you know that?" I asked, already knowing the answer but wanting to hear it from him.

"I slept with her four years ago. I went to O'Malley's one night right before I started working at U Dub. We met, we flirted, we fucked, we became friends. I met Rose a year later when she started her residency and the rest was history. But boy that girl sure knew what she was doing in the bedroom." He said.

"We didn't make it past the front hall." I mused.

Emmett choked on the beer he had just swigged. He coughed and sputtered while I watched, amused.

"You slept with her?" He yelled.

"There wasn't too much sleeping going on." I admitted.

"You don't do one night stands. You do relationships. I can't believe you…wait a minute. You said front hall."

"Yeah." I said stifling a grin.

"You don't have a front hall. You live in a two by four. She took you to her place? Oh my God." He said.

"Let me guess. She doesn't take men back to her house?" I asked.

"No, she went back to my hotel room. With Jasper she went to his crappy ass apartment. With Jones, she went to his…well, he lived with his parents so she made him get a hotel room. Loser. With…"

"Okay, okay. I get the picture." I really didn't want to think about her with other guys. I mean I have been with other girls so it is not like I am pissed about it, more…jealous.

"Earth to Edward."

"What?" I snapped back to the present time and place.

"You got it bad, Man." He slapped my back. "Sucks to be you. I wouldn't want to try to tame the Shrew."

"She is not a shrew and I don't want to tame her." I replied.

"So it's okay if she fucks some random dude tonight and next week and the week after that and then she is on the rag so no action then but the week after that…"

"How the hell do you know when her cycle is?" I asked, slightly disturbed.

"Because for some fucked up reason, my wife and Jasper's wife share one with her. Makes Family Night so much fun." He said sarcastically.

"Family Night?" I asked.

"Oh yeah, every week we all get together at Rose's parent's place and have dinner and spend time together, sometimes we play games, cards, whatever." He explained.

Hmmm…Family Night. It would be interesting to see Bella in a family setting.

"Does Bella go to these things?" I asked.

Emmett caught on quickly.

"Why yes she does." He confirmed.

"What does a guy have to do to score an invitation?" I asked.

"Consider yourself invited." He grinned.

"I think I will accept."

Part One of Wear Bella Swan Down has commenced.

**Isn't he a charmer? Sigh. He still needs a name! Help a sister out, will ya? **

**And I had a review from a guest that called Bella a whore...well, yeah. She says she is so there is no news there. Moving on. **

**And I'm only updating today even though I feel like crap because Mandy84 aka my little sis, keeps texting me and bugging the piss out of me. Can't a girl have the flu? Damn. I am only kidding, I think...**

**Oh and I had a reviewer point out to me the similarities between my story and another story on here. I assured her that my story has been complete since 2010. So just wanted to clear that up. I do thank you for bringing it to my attention :) **


	9. Chapter 9

_August 3, 2012_

_Dear Journal,_

_Time for another Family Night. Yippeee! Can you tell how excited I am? Ugh. Another night of my sisters flaunting their perfect happy marriages in front of me, my father trying to make up for all the years I had to live with my mother, Sue giving me a shittacular amount of ugly ass knitted baby clothes…at least I wouldn't have to buy firewood this winter._

_Okay let me go and get this over with. I might have to stop by O'Malley's afterwards._

**Rule #8 Never Let A Man Get The Best Of You. If He Tries, Put Him In His Place. And If That Fails, Run Like Hell**

I rang the doorbell and waited to be let in. Sue opened the door and frowned.

"How many times do I have to tell you not to knock? This is your home, too. You are one of my kids. Come right in."

"I know." I said as I walked in and took my coat off and hung it on the rack.

"Then why do you do it?"

I sighed. We had this conversation weekly. I didn't want to offend her but this was her house and her kids' house. Not mine. My home was the house my mom passed down to me when I was eighteen. That was the only place besides the hospital and O'Malley's that I felt like I belonged.

"I don't know." I answered, but we both knew that I did.

"Never mind that. We are having your favorite tonight." She smiled.

Now that I was excited about. I followed her into the family room and froze in the doorway.

"What the Fu…Frick?" I asked mindful of the tiny humans in the room.

"We have a few extra guests here tonight." Charlie said.

As if I didn't see that. That is why I said 'what the frick'.

The usual suspects were there…but there were three more people joining us tonight.

Namely Phil, Renee and Edward Fucking Cullen.

"What are they doing here?" I asked.

"We invited them." Charlie said.

"Why?" I asked.

"Isabella don't be rude. This is my house and I will invite who I want to invite." He said sternly.

"So you just got up one day and thought 'Why don't I invite my bitch of an ex and the husband she cheated on me with who made me leave my daughter to live with her and screw her up in unimaginable ways, to Family Night with my second wife and our two kids and their families and some random guy I am trying to get my daughter to marry and pop out a few more grandchildren with'?" I asked.

The room became deadly quiet save for Renee's outraged gasp, Charlie's heavy angry breathing and a snorting sound coming from none other than Edward Cullen himself. He cleared his throat when everyone looked at him.

I bit back my own smile. So Cullen had a sense of humor.

My mother was the first to recover.

"Now you wait just a damn minute…" She began.

"No. Judas, Benedict Arnold, Brutus, Aldrich Ames," I pointed to my mother, my step mother and my two sisters. "Come with me."

Rose looked at Emmett, who shook his head at her quickly.

"I would just like to say that it was Emmett who invited Edward, not me." She said clearly.

"Hey! Way to throw me under the bus." He said.

"If you think I am taking the heat for that from her, you are sadly mistaken." She huffed.

"She's _your_ sister." He whined.

"She's your former one night stand and he is your best friend. Leave me out of this. She is fucking scary!" She said.

"Hey Brutus." I yelled at her. "Get your ass in the kitchen. You will have to atone for your husband's sins tonight. Now move it!"

She grumbled as she shot a dirty look at Emmett and Edward, before flouncing behind Alice and the mothers.

"Even Victoria isn't this unhinged." She muttered as she walked past me.

"Rectals…" I singsonged.

"Bite me." She singsonged back.

I shot a dirty look into the living room at the men. Only person not quaking in his boots was Cullen. I rolled my eyes and adopted a bitchy…okay a bitchier…attitude.

"What the hell are you four thinking?" I hissed, planting my hands down on the counter and looking over the four woman sitting at the set table.

"That you are a bitch." Rose said.

"That you need a nice man in your life." Alice said.

"That you need to settle down and not work so much." Sue said.

"That I need to invest in some duck tape or a shock collar for you." Renee said.

"Why the hell would you invite him? This is supposed to be a night for me to relax with my family not have you all of you watching the two of us like we are mating animals on the Discovery Channel. I mean, why don't you just pour the pigs blood on me right now and get it over with."

Renee looked sideways at Sue.

"She has always had a flare for the dramatics, even as a child. I don't know where the vulgar language came from though." She informed her.

"Probably from the nine hundred men she has randomly fucked over the last twenty years." Rose said.

"Could be. I personally think it was from all the bars she picked up said men from." Alice chimed in.

"Now girls. Let Bella be but I think it is just a result of her own parent's harsh divorce." Sue said.

"You all are talking about me, behind my back, in front of my face." I pouted.

"Look, he is Emmett's friend and your coworker, along with Jasper and Rose's, so just accept that he is here tonight along with your mother and step father and deal with it please. You don't like him, fine. We won't push." Sue said.

"We won't?" Renee said, frowning.

Sue looked at her like she was incredibly dense.

"No, we won't." She stressed.

"Oh! Yes, okay, we won't." Renee said quickly.

I looked at them suspiciously. What was I missing here?

"I'm watching you." Was all I said.

"Great! Let's eat." Sue clapped her hands and got busy putting the food on the table.

"Did someone say eat?" Emmett asked.

I rolled my eyes. Dude could put away some food.

"I am going to put Emily down next to Jake." Rose said.

"Don't bother. Edward is doing it." Emmett said, a spoonful of mashed potatoes already in his mouth.

"Edward?" Rose and I asked in unison.

"Yeah he rocked Em to sleep. She loves him. He read her a story using funny voices." He said.

"That's so sweet." She turned to me. "Isn't that sweet?"

"How would I know?" I asked.

"Rose." Susan admonished.

"Oh, sorry. All these plan changings are giving me whiplash." She muttered.

We all sat at the table waiting on Edward. Well, everyone but Emmett and I. I wasn't kidding when I say I come here for the food. I can't cook worth a damn.

"Sorry. Jake woke up and I changed him and got him back to sleep too." Edward said as he breezed in.

"Thanks Edward." Alice gushed.

"I know how hard it is to eat while having to take care of a baby who wants to eat every time you do." He laughed.

"And just how do you know this?" I asked. "You have a gaggle of children hidden away?"

"No. I have four sisters who have a 'gaggle' of kids. I am their only uncle on that side so I do my fair share of helping out when they need it." He said, clearly taking no offense to my statement.

Damn him.

"What about a wife? You don't have one hidden away back in New York do you that is just waiting to walk up in the hospital lobby and introduce herself to whatever trollop you end up with?" I asked.

"Bella!" Susan hissed. She looked at Edward. "You don't do you?"

He just grinned as he helped himself to the food.

"No. I do have an ex wife, Tanya, who is remarried and pregnant with her first child. So she won't be walking up and introducing herself to my…er…what was it you called it?" He looked at me.

"Trollop." I said dully.

"Ah yes, trollop." He finished, his damn eyes twinkling again. "Anything else you want to know about me?"

"No, I don't want to know about you. At all. No information necessary." I said quickly.

"Me thinks she doth protest too much." He drawled.

"Why would I want to know anything about you? Just because we slept together doesn't mean a thing. I sleep with everybody. I told you that. So what I don't understand is why you are here, flirting with me, at my father's house."

I heard everyone gasp but Edward remained calm, regarding me closely.

"You slept with him?" Rose gasped.

"Yes! I let him fuck me four times in one night! I am a big horny whore! And you know what? That is okay with me. I know who I am. I like who I am. You are my family and you should accept me for who I am, but you don't. You push and you push, you make me baby clothes, you drop hints, you hire random men to introduce me to, you invite him to your house trying to set me up. Don't you see? Don't you get it? I just want to be left the fuck alone." I stood up. "It was a lovely dinner Sue. Thank you. But I must be going now." I said formally before grabbing my coat and shrugging it on. I went to the door and as an afterthought I went back to the table and grabbed my full plate. "I am taking this with me." I said and then left.

At least I would be full of something tonight. Cause I was in no mood to go get laid.

**Thanks again for the reviews! **


	10. Chapter 10

_August 4, 2012_

Dear Journal,

I have the hangover from hell. I drank the whole liquor bottle last night, after finishing my food. Wonder if I can mail back Sue's plate? I certainly don't want to face any of them after last night. Do you think I went too far with my outburst? I normally play it so cool. I am normally unflappable but I…flapped. As in my jaws. It is possible they have my best interests in mind.

Maybe…

**Rule # 9 If You Have Done Something To Apologize For, Don't. Apologizing Shows Weakness And You Are Not Weak. Show No Remorse. (Especially For What You Might Or Might Not Have Done To A Certain Slutty Nurse And One Annoying Talkative Resident, Who Are Flirting With The Man You DON'T Like.)**

I trudged into the hospital the next morning, determined to pretend nothing happened. Pretend I hadn't reamed out my entire family, pretend I hadn't slept with Edward Cullen, pretend he hadn't made me cum seven times in one night, pretend I didn't need a change of panties right now…

"I heard you made Family Night more interesting."

I rolled my eyes as Angela walked up to me, smirking.

"I make everything more interesting." I scoffed. "And how do you know?"

"Jasper." She said.

"Why, what did he say?" I demanded.

"That you made Family Night more interesting." She said.

I glared at her.

"That you were pissed that Cullen and his hair were there, that you accused him of having a wife and children hidden away and that you announced that you had sex with him and bitched everyone out before grabbing your plate and running for it. Really Bella, was that necessary?" She asked.

"I was hungry." I deliberately ignored what she was alluding to.

She looked me over carefully.

"And apparently thirsty." She mocked.

"Don't start. I don't need a mother, I already have two." I declared.

"Okay." She backed off. I looked at her as we were walking up the stairs.

"How are you? You feeling alright with the pregnancy and all?" I asked.

She looked back at me in surprise.

"You are asking me about my baby?" She mocked.

Okay, that hurt. I didn't want kids myself but I did worry about her.

"Forget I asked." I said, starting to walk off. She grabbed my arm to stop me.

"Sorry. It's just these damn hormones. And I am throwing up constantly, this baby doesn't like the smell of blood…of blood Bella…I am a surgeon and I want to throw up in every open body cavity. And I have gained ten pounds even though I am throwing up. And I have hemmroids!"

I looked at her in horror.

"Sorry." I said.

"It's not your fault." She soothed.

Okay I was actually referring to being sorry I asked, but we could go with that too.

"Oh looks like you don't have to worry about Cullen anymore." She suddenly said.

I followed her gaze and felt venom flow into my mouth. I am not kidding. I wanted to go all vampire on someone.

Actually three someones. And I don't have a clue why. Well, I probably know why about one of them, NOT that I am admitting that to anyone.

I shrugged at Angela.

"Good. Makes my life a whole lot easier." I told her. "I am going to get my charts for the day. See you at lunch."

I walked closer to the group, aware of the disbelieving gaze on my back. I hate that she sees right through me.

I casually settled in at the nurses station, approximately ten feet from them. Perfect listening distance without being obvious about it. I asked for my charts and then with pen poised, settled in to 'work'.

"Dr. Cullen, that surgery yesterday that you did with Mr. Avant was so…awesome! You are really a brilliant surgeon. I could watch you operate for days on end and…"

"You are very wonderful with the patients, Dr. Cullen." Irina Collins interruped Dr. Tia Peters gushing, with gushing of her very own.

"That is what I was saying." Dr. Peters said with her teeth slightly bared.

"I was just agreeing with you, Dr. Peters." Nurse Irina said sweetly. Too sweetly.

I was about to hurl with all the estrogen flying around me at the moment. Suddenly I felt eyes on me and I looked up to see Cullen looking at me, with a desperate glint in his eyes…

No twinkling today, huh?

I just smiled at him innocently and turned back to my chart.

He could save himself. I didn't want him to get any ideas.

"Excuse me Ladies, but I think Dr. Swan is trying to get your attention." He said smoothly.

My eyes widened.

That Rat Bastard! He just threw me to the Estrogen Wolves!

I looked back up at him. The twinkling was back, I see, complete with a smirk.

"What can we do for you today, Dr. Swan?" Dr. Peters said in confusion. I don't blame her, she was a General Surgery resident.

"I…" I smiled suddenly. "I could use all of your help actually, if you don't mind." I said sweetly.

"Sure." They both said dully.

They couldn't exactly say no now could they? I was their boss.

"Follow me, gals." I said.

An elevator ride and five minutes found us in front of a room.

"The Morgue?" Irina asked.

"Yes." I threw open the doors and entered the room sniffing deeply. "I love the smell of formaldehyde in the morning."

They both looked at me like I was crazy. They would regret that shortly.

"Anyway since you have sooo much extra time on your hands, I thought that you could do this for me."

"Do what, exactly?" Dr. Peters asked.

"Well, Dr. Peters, I need you all to cut into these three cadavers for me," I indicated which three, "and remove all the organs for me. Irina, I will have you document size, weight, color, any impertinent information about them on these forms. Then when you are done, please put them in the airtight Tupperware like thingees and put them on that shelves with labels on who they were from and what they are." I handed her the book. "Any questions?" I asked.

They both looked at me with varying degrees of shock, disgust and anger.

"Good! I will check on you later." I said and then walked away.

All in a days work, I thought with satisfaction.

I walked back to the alive people floor and was met by a sheepish Dr. Cullen.

"I probably shouldn't have done that to you." He began.

"Well, I did it to you first." I begrudged.

I began to walk away.

He joined me.

What a surprise.

"What did you do to them?" He asked.

"Why do you care? Do you like one of them?" I asked.

"No. I like you." He said.

I stopped and spun around to look at him.

"That can't happen. You can't like me." I said seriously.

"You can't tell me who I can and can't like." He said incredulously.

"I can when it is me you like. Now take it back." I said.

"No! I will not take it back. I like you. A lot. I want to date you. I want to hear you say snarky mean things to me." He said.

"You want me to be mean to you?"

Wasn't that what I was doing…

"Yes."

"Why?' I asked.

"It turns me on." He stated.

"Seriously?" I exclaimed, looking down to see exactly how much it turned him on.

Oh.

Boy have I been going about this all wrong…

"Yes." He laughed.

Hmmm.

"What if I am nice to you?" I had to ask wondering how much of a freak this guy was.

"Yeah, I would still be turned on." He admitted.

"You need a shrink." I blurt out.

His answering laugh had me rolling my eyes.

"You need a shrink." He retorted.

"I have one." I admitted.

Why did I tell him that?

"You do? What for?' He asked.

"None of your business." I retorted. "Why am I standing here talking to you?" I asked.

"Because you like me too. Admit it. They say confession frees the soul." He smoldered.

Yes he smoldered. I have never seen someone smolder but he does.

"I will admit to no such thing."

"Why not?"

"Because I don't."

Lame answer there, Bella.

"You don't like me?"

"No." I stated firmly.

"Ok then."

Ok?

"Okay. I will see you around Dr. Cullen." I said, as I walked towards my rounds.

"I am just going to have to try harder Dr. Swan." He called after me.

I stiffened but kept on walking.

How the hell do I get rid of this guy?

Better question was…did I really want to?

**Thanks, as always, for the reviews. And Lawd, how yummy did Rob look on Sunday night? Le sigh.**


	11. Chapter 11

**EPOV**

I grinned as I watched her hurry away. She was something else. She was like this tasty dish you ate but couldn't tell what all the ingredients were. I was having a great time figuring them out though. She was a complex woman. She kept me on my toes and made me feel alive for the first time in years.

I felt kind of bad that I put those women off on her but I needed help extracting myself and she wasn't going to do it otherwise. Wonder what she made them do…

"Dr. Cullen, if you could stop ogling Dr. Swan's ass for one minute, do you think you could help me out here?"

I looked down and saw Dr. Hunter.

"Hello Victoria." I greeted.

She glared at me. What did I say?

"Okay I will just call you Dr. Hunter then." I amended quickly.

"I know you think you are God, what with your sex hair and your penchant for leaning on things, but there are sick people here. This is a hospital and I have a consult for you, if you can focus long enough to see said patient." She said.

"You're pregnant, aren't you?" I said.

"Are you saying that I am being bitchy?" She asked.

"If I said yes, would you kick me in the groin?" I asked.

"Yes." She said.

"Then no, you are not being bitchy. Just heard that you were and thought I would say congratulations." I said.

"Oh you are a smooth one." She retorted.

"Thank you." I grinned.

I saw her mouth twitch at the corners but she turned around before I could see if it turned into a smile.

"You coming?" She asked rudely.

Bella must have taken lessons from this woman.

"I was her resident her intern year and that better have been a compliment." She responded.

My eyes widened. Shit, I said that out loud.

"Sorry." I said, wincing.

She sighed and waited for me to catch up to her.

"She is a stubborn woman, but she is a great one." She told me.

"I know I shouldn't ask this but is there a reason she doesn't date? Why she isn't married? I know it can't be for lack of men trying."

"You're right."

I listened eagerly.

"You shouldn't ask."

I groaned and ran my fingers through my hair.

"Frustrated?" She asked.

"Like you wouldn't believe." I admitted.

"It is only going to get worse. She is going to fight you tooth and nail and she is used to winning. She will drive you away just so she can say she did. I will tell you this. You are the first man to ever get this far." She said.

"I haven't gotten anywhere with her, I'm afraid." I said.

"Yes you have. You just don't realize it. You are ruffling her feathers and she doesn't like it. She is feeling like she is being backed into a corner and so her first instinct is to run. That being said, she isn't running as fast as she usually does. It is the small victories, Cullen, that matter. You just have to decide whether you can handle the slow pace in which she is going to go. Cause if you can't, stop now. Before she gets hurt. That is one thing I will not tolerate." She warned.

"I am not going anywhere. Not without her." I insisted.

"Just one question. Why her?" She asked.

"She makes me feel alive. She makes my heart beat faster, stronger. She makes me smile. She makes me laugh. She makes me believe that I found the one person that was made for me. That may sound cheesy but it's true."

"You're right. That was cheesy. How do you know that after just a little over a week?" She asked.

"I thought you only had one question?" I shot back.

Her answering glare had my testicles leaping back up into my body in fear.

"When you know, you know, you know?" I asked hoping she wouldn't think that was complete and total bullshit.

"Yeah, I know." She said with a nod.

I breathed a sigh of relief.

"Now let us end this bonding moment and get back to work." She barked.

"Yes ma'am." I quickly agreed.

Looks like it was my lot in life to be surrounded my bossy women.

I am one lucky guy.

**Yes, it was short. Oh well, Drabblish remember?**

**Had an anon reviewer tell me that Edward should dump Bella's slutty ass and find someone with a soul...and manners...What would be the fun in that? But thanks for the reviews anyway...**


	12. Chapter 12

_August 7, 2012_

Dear Journal,

I need a man. Bet you thought I would never say that, huh? I haven't picked up a guy in almost two weeks. While I have certainly gone longer than that in the past, it is not ideal for my mood. BOB works well, except I am a visual person and the only person I can visualize is Cullen. It is only because he was the last guy…

Yeah, that's it.

**Rule # 10 There Will Be Things That Come Up That Will Make You Question Your Decisions. Stay Firm In Your Beliefs. Don't Let Outside Forces Influence You. (That Being Said, God Help Me.)**

"Do you want to have breakfast with me? I don't have surgery until six."

I stalled in my quest to finish my post op notes, turned around and rolled my eyes at Cullen.

"I have already eaten." I said curtly, turning on my heel and walking towards my destination.

"Oh yeah, what did you have?" He asked.

"None of your business." I said.

"You a cereal person? Straight out of the box? Or are you all fruit and fiber-y?" He laughed. "Pancakes? Do you like pancakes?"

He obviously wasn't going to let up.

"Fine, left over grilled cheese. Curiosity satisfied?"

He groaned.

"That's sad. It's pathetic. A good day starts with a good breakfast." He declared.

"You're a health nut, aren't you?" I asked.

"At times." He admitted.

"I hate health food, sorry." I told him.

"I am just going to keep asking until you say yes." He informed me.

I whirled on him.

"Why won't you take the hint? I don't want to get to know you." I hissed.

"Oh, but you do." He told me.

"No, I don't."

"Yes, you do."

"No, I don't!"

"Yes…"

"Um, Dr. Cullen, Dr. Swan?"

We both turned to face Dr. Newton, one of the OB/GYN attendings.

"What?" I barked.

What? I said I was cranky when I was horny.

"Yes?" Cullen asked more politely.

"A patient came in to the ER after a minor car accident that she caused. At first they were going to consult one of you about what caused this accident but after the patient disclosed to them what actually happened, they consulted me and well…" He hesitated.

"Spit it out Newton." I demanded.

"Um…you had better just come with me." He said.

Was he blushing?

"Both of us?" I asked.

"Yeah, this is one for the books." He said.

We followed Newton to the patient's room and I walked in to see a pretty young brunette with an older gentleman who looked concerned. I assumed he was her father.

"Hi," I consulted the chart, "Pamela. I am Dr. Swan and this is Dr. Cullen. Why don't you tell us what caused your accident and we will see if we can help." I said, smiling gently.

The girl looked nervously at her dad.

"I don't really think I need to be here."

"Well tell us what is going on and we will determine that." I said. "Do you have a problem with seizures…are you epileptic?" I asked, flashing my penlight into her eyes to check for reactivity.

"No, I am so not epileptic. I just really think I should…oh no…it's happening again." She pulled the covers over her face. "Oh! Oh! Oh, Oh Ah! Ah!"

I stepped back quickly as I watched her, my mouth opened in shock.

"Did she just have an…" Cullen began.

"Orgasm." I finished breathlessly.

This so wasn't helping at all.

At lunch, I sat down on the table with Jasper, Emmett, Rose, Angela and Ben. They were in the middle of a conversation.

"I'm just saying, the heart is where it is at. Cardio rocks. You are part of the Gynie Brigade." Angela said disdainfully to Jasper.

"Oh wow, you get to look at hearts all day. I get to look at vaginas. There is no match there." Jasper said.

Both of them looked at me.

"What?" I asked, taking a bite of my sandwich.

"You aren't going to chime in with 'Neurosurgery is the best, I get to look at gooey brains all day'?" Angela asked.

"Nope." I said, chewing. I sipped at my water.

"I have a Piggy Back surgery today." Angela boasted.

"I have a patient with a cancerous tumor wrapped around her ovaries." Jasper said.

"I have a tit job in an hour." Emmett chimed in, not one to be left out.

We all laughed.

"Bells and I have a patient having spontaneous orgasms." Cullen said, sitting down in the empty chair next to me.

"Don't call me Bells." I said.

"Did you say spontaneous orgasms?" Emmett asked.

"Why can't I call you Bells?" Cullen asked.

"Like actual orgasms?" Angela gasped.

"Because only my friends call me Bells. You are not my friend." I told him.

"Wow, can you imagine? Orgasms all day long with no man, no vibrator? That would be so convenient." Rose said in awe.

"Hey!" Emmett protested.

"We could be friends. I am a good friend. I can be your friend." Cullen told me.

"How do you go about having that disease?" Angela asked.

"Us, friends? I don't become friends with my ex one night stands." I told him.

"Why do you want to know?" Jasper asked Angela.

"That is what I want to know." Ben seconded him.

"Emmett and Jasper are your friends." He pointed out.

"Correction, they are my brothers in law. They are family, not friends."

"God, I just can't get over it. Spontaneous orgasms." Angela said.

"Wow." Rose said.

"Well you have got to give me something here Bella. Can I call you Bella or do I have to call you Dr. Swan?" He asked sarcastically.

"How about you don't call me at all? And I don't have to give you anything." I said.

"I gave you orgasms. Several of them." He reminded me.

Ass!

"Oh forget about the spontaneous orgasm chick. This is much better." Angela said, turning her eyes towards us. Everyone followed suit.

"Like you didn't get anything out of it." I snorted.

"Oh I did. And I want more." He confessed.

"Of course you do! All men want sex." I rolled my eyes.

"Ooh wonder how he is going to deflect that?" Jasper asked Ben.

"It is not the sex." Cullen said.

I looked at him disbelievingly. I am sure everyone else, did too.

"Okay, that is part of it. We have this amazing chemistry, though, tell me you don't feel it." He said.

"I don't feel it." I said automatically.

"Yes she does." Rose assured Cullen.

"I bet she is sitting in wet panties right now." Emmett said.

"Yes you do, you know you do. You just won't admit it. I don't know if it is because you are scared or just plain stubborn but you feel this." He stated.

"I say fear." Jasper said.

"Stubborn." Rose chimed in.

"Fear." Emmett said.

"Stubborn." Angela and Ben said in unison.

"Do you all mind?" I finally asked.

Angela put her chin on her hand.

"Nope. We don't mind at all, please continue." She said casually.

I stuck my tongue out at her.

"No thanks, I'm good. But he wants it." She said indicating to Cullen, who had leaned back in his chair with his arms crossed and his gaze leveled on me.

"Where were we? Oh yeah, I am not scared or stubborn." I denied.

Okay I was lying.

I was stubborn.

"Yes you are." He said.

"No, I am not." I countered.

"Yes you are."

"No I am not!"

"Do you two ever stop fighting?"

We both turned and again saw Newton.

"Yes." Edward said.

"No." I answered.

"Whatever. Tests results?" He asked, waving them around.

I grabbed them and stood up, 'accidentally' knocking my open water bottle in Cullen's lap.

"Oops!" I said innocently as he jumped up swearing.

"You did that on purpose." He accused.

"I thought you might need to 'calm' down. That was the closest thing to a cold shower that I could do at the present time. You know since me being mean turns you on and all." I taunted. I looked him up and down. "You might want to go change. You look like you pissed yourself."

I walked off laughing.

"I will get you for this." He swore, laughing.

I actually found myself looking forward to it.

**Thanks for all the follows and favorites and reviews. Warms my cold little heart.**


	13. Chapter 13

_August 10, 2012_

_Dear Journal,_

_It has been over two weeks now and still no action. I haven't had a dry spell this long…well, never…I just can't seem to make myself go to O'Malley's. I think I am coming down with something. Yeah that is it, I have a case of Lossinterestinsexitis. I better get checked out as this could be hazardous to people's health._

_We all know I am a bitch, okay bitchier ,without sex…_

**Rule # 11 You Don't Have To Be A Total Bitch All Of The Time. There Will Be Times Your Softer Side Should Come Out. Be Nice, But Detached. And Don't, Under Any Circumstances, Give In To The Feeling Of Disregarding The Aforementioned Rules.**

"So you won't do breakfast, how about lunch, or dinner. I personally prefer dinner, since it would be away from work and it could just be us, alone, with a big chunks of carbs in a basket, but that is just me. Or how about going on a ferry boat ride, or maybe just a stroll down over at the Wharf?"

I groaned.

"No." I slapped my chart closed, gave it to the gossip whore of a nurse, who was eyeing us curiously and walked off.

He followed me. No surprise there.

"To which invitation?" He asked.

"All of them. Now if you don't mind, I have business to attend to."

"Business?" He asked.

"Yes, business. This, right here, is a place of business. I am being all business like. You should try it." I snarked.

He didn't reply, but I could practically see the gears turning in his head.

"How about coffee?" He suggested.

AARG!

I stopped in my tracks.

"Oh my God! Do you not take a hint? I don't want to have breakfast, lunch, dinner, coffee, or chips from the vending machine with you. I. Am. Not. Interested."

He cocked his head to the side.

"I'm not following." He replied, his eyes dancing and twinkling like a god damned disco ball.

I made a choking sound and walked off, cursing. I heard his laughter from behind me. I am sure other people did too, he was cackling like a fucking hyena, the bastard.

I went through my day, pleasantly surprised I didn't see Cullen. He made it a habit to annoy me. A lot. Of course, I had heard that he had had a patient come in through the ER with a pencil in his eye. In his eye! I would have killed for that case. But not enough to work with him on it…

I was at the nurse's desk, again. Charting, again. Seemed I should've have been a writer instead of a surgeon. I spent more time writing about the surgery I did, than the surgery itself. I saw him, again. I tensed up, expecting him to ask me out but he bypassed me and went straight to a young girl sitting amongst a boisterous crowd of young wanna be demonic human like people, who would one day drive this world into the ground.

Just saying.

He sat down and talked to her. I took this opportunity to look at him while he was otherwise occupied. He looked…tired and unlike the smirky bastard I was used to. He spoke quietly to the girl and suddenly she threw his arms around him, sobbing. He looked anguished as he patted her back and whispered what I imagined to be soothing words to her. He rocked her back and forth for a long time, her tears staining his lab coat. People where staring but he made no move to stop her loud display of grief.

He would be a good father, I realized.

I froze.

To someone else's kids, of course, I hastily reassured myself. I was still the fun loving, one night stand having, gutterwhore.

_Sure you are, my inner conscience whispered knowingly._

"Shut up." I hissed, then realizing I had said that out loud and looked at the two nurses who looked offended.

"I wasn't talking to you." I told them, making a hand gesture indicating for them to carry on with their nurse like duties.

They shot me dirty looks and went back to work.

I focused again on Cullen. He was standing up again and he smiled weakly at the young girl. He walked towards me and I hurriedly looked down as he approached me.

"No, I still don't want to do coffee." I said, in a bored tone.

"I wasn't asking." He snapped, handing his chart to the nurse and walking away.

I watched him go, open mouthed. This was not the Cullen I knew and…whatever. He let himself into what I knew to be a supply closet. I knew he wasn't going in there for gauze and tape. I bit my lip, unsure of what to do.

"The kid was sixteen."

I turned to Vicky. I hadn't heard her sneak up on me.

"Oh?" I asked, feigning disinterest.

"You know what to do, Swan. So just go do it." She advised.

"You told me if you caught me having sex again on the premises you would spread the word I had syphilis." I reminded her.

"I said to comfort him, not have sex with him." She sighed exasperatedly.

"That _is _how I comfort."

She shot me a look that had me shutting up, quick like.

"Okay, okay, I'll go. Don't know what good I will do, but I'm going." I muttered as I walked slowly to the closet.

I stared at the door for a good long while before seeing Vicky's hand turn the doorknob, push open the door and shove me inside, closing it firmly behind me.

He was sitting on the floor, arms around knees. He looked up when I came in.

"Hi." I squeaked. I cleared my throat and tried again. "Hi."

He scoffed and shook his head, focusing his gaze on the wall behind me.

I stood there unsure of how to proceed. Losing a patient is rough on anyone. We handled it in different ways. Some went to church, some cried it out, some had therapists on speed dial…I got drunk and forgot about it. Somehow I don't think Cullen...Edward... fit into any of those categories.

"You can go. I wouldn't want to waste any of your precious time." He mocked.

I stiffened.

"Fuck you." I hissed.

"Been there, done that." He taunted.

Forget this shit. I turned to walk out but my feet wouldn't move. I sighed.

"The fifth year of my residency, I was Chief Resident. I had already declared Neuro of course and I thought I was the shit. Thought I knew everything. Thought I had seen everything. Her name was Amy. She had blonde hair and blue eyes and this great personality. You know, the kind that can make everyone smile, whether they want to or not?" I smiled. "She had this extreme tumor right smack dab in the middle of her brain. It made her sick, it made her forget things and it hurt her, but she never stopped smiling. I remember, I let her play with my Anatomy Jane doll."

"You had one of those? So did my sister." He said quietly. I turned to look at him and decided to go sit with him. I slid down the wall right next to him.

"Yeah, fifth birthday present. Carried it around this hospital for years growing up. Anyway, we had this huge team of doctors and an excellent chance at getting this thing out of her for good. I think the odds were sixty/forty. I would go by to see her every night. Read her stories, gossip about celebrities, talk about all she would do once she was better." I stopped talking. I had to. The lump in my throat was constricting it. I swallowed hard.

"She didn't get to do those things. She coded an hour into the surgery. I pumped her chest for almost an hour. She was five." I sobbed. "Five years old and her life was over. I almost quit." I admitted, wiping at my tears furiously, mad I had let myself be vulnerable in front of this man.

We were quiet for a long time.

"She was in love with him." He said finally. "She never got to tell him. She was his best friend and she loved him and he never knew. Sixteen fucking years old and it's over. Times like this, I wonder why I became a doctor."

"Yeah, I wished I wanted to be a teacher or lawyer." I said.

"You would be a terrible teacher. Lawyer I could see. You love to argue and you always want to be right." He said.

"I am always right." I said haughtily.

"Mmmm hmmm." He hummed.

"I am!" I defended.

"Sure you are." And the condescending little freak patted my fucking head!

I couldn't help what I did next. I tried to stop it but it just happened.

I laughed. Okay actually it was a snort that turned into a laugh but he laughed at my laugh and before I knew it we were both laughing loudly, gasping for air. To me it was a better release than crying, or ranting, or even sex.

"Oh God." I said, wiping the tears from my eyes. I took a few deep breaths to calm down.

"I needed that. Thank you." He said sincerely. "And sorry about before, being rude and all."

I waved away his apology.

"I figure you owe me." I got up and wiped the back of my pants off from sitting on the dirty floor. I took one last look at him, before opening the door.

"You know, maybe coffee wouldn't be so bad, after all." I said softly before walking out.

"I knew you would cave sooner or later." He called out smugly.

Ugh!

I slammed the door shut on his mocking laughter, but couldn't bring myself to get mad.

Wonder why that was…

**Is that a turning point I see?**


	14. Chapter 14

_August 12, 2012_

_Dear Journal,_

_I am calm. I am serene. It is just coffee between two colleagues. It is not a date. Not a date._

_Right?_

**Rule # 12** **If You Do In Fact Lose The Upper Hand, Simply Let The Other Person Let Their Guard Down Before Regaining Your Higher Position. (Get Your Minds Out Of The Gutter, Whores)**

"You agreed to have coffee?" Angela asked.

"Yes."

"With Edward?"

"Yes."

"Why?" She asked.

I sighed and took a bite of my sandwich.

"He was all upset and crap and we had a…thing and I felt sorry for him, okay?" I finished swallowing. "It's pity coffee."

"Pity coffee." She repeated. "You mean a pity date?"

"No! What? It's not a date. I don't date. Besides who goes on coffee dates?"

Angela shot me a look. "Normal people."

"Well there you go. When have you ever known me to be normal?" I asked smugly.

"Hmmm. Good point." She said.

I shot her a satisfied look and then stole her french fry.

"Hey! I was going to eat that." She protested.

"You might want to cut back. You are getting chunky." I said, looking her over.

"I'm pregnant, you moron." She said.

"Still, might want to watch it or you will still look pregnant after you spawn your demon."

She shot me an evil look.

"Okay, fine. After you spawn your cute demon. Better?" I asked.

She just shook her head and laughed.

"You are going to be such a bad influence on my child."

"How do you figure?" I asked.

"Well, as his or her godmother, you will have a certain role in his or her life. Bound to be interesting, the things that will come out of his or her mouth after spending time with you." She teased.

"Wait? What? Me, godmother? Oh no. I can't." I protested.

"Of course you can and you will." She said firmly.

"I don't do kids, Ang. You have known me how long?" I asked. Was she out of her mind?

"I know exactly how long I have known you. Eleven years last month. We have lived together, gotten drunk together, danced it out together, sung badly together, laughed together, cried together. You are my best friend. The only friend I have ever let myself be really close to. You know all my secrets and I know yours. Don't you dare sit back there and act like you are surprised. You will do this and like it, or you will lose me altogether." She stood up. "Decide which it's going to be: your stupid fucking rules, or me. Find me when you make up your mind."

I watched her in open mouthed shock as she walked away.

What did I say?

"You look lovely."

I looked down at my red shirt and jeans and back up at him.

"Thanks, I think." I thought I looked rather boring. At least that was my intent.

"Please, sit down." I did as he asked and looked around at the non descript diner I had chosen for pity coffee.

"So…" I trailed off.

"So?" He asked inquisitively.

I just stared at him. He looked good, I realized. Sexy even, if one could look sexy in a green button up that matches one's eyes, untucked and with the first two buttons unbuttoned, and a pair of snug fitting button fly jeans. Not that one could, or anything.

I realized he was still looking at me.

"Okay, look. I have had the day from hell today. Angela won't talk to me, I didn't have one person who needed to be cut open, Family Night is tomorrow night and I don't want to go and now, I am here having pity coffee. So I don't know what you want from me."

He smiled widely at me and I could tell he forcibly held back a chuckle. He cleared his throat.

"Ok…um…pity coffee?" He asked. "Or do I not want to know?"

"Well, I don't date so it can't be a pity date, so it's pity coffee." I said.

"Makes sense, kind of. What did you do to Angela?" He asked.

"What makes you think I did something?" I asked, slightly offended.

"I don't know if this has escaped your notice, but you tend to be slightly abrasive to most people, even ones you have known a long time."

"I tell it like it is." I defended.

"No, you tell it like it is according to Bella Swan." He corrected.

"And what exactly does that mean?" I hissed.

At that moment, the waitress came up to us.

"What can I get you?" She asked Edward, her eyelashes fluttering so quickly, I think she was about to take flight.

"Coffee." I said.

She didn't look at me, she just kept focusing on him.

"And for you?" She asked flirtatiously.

"Coffee is good. How is your pie?" He asked.

"Pie? Who said anything about pie? This is coffee only." I stressed to him.

He looked at me, calmly.

"Okay, you just have coffee. I am going to have a big slice of strawberry cheesecake." He told me. He smiled at the waitress. "That is all."

"Coming right up." She said, wiggling her ass as she walked away. I scowled at him.

"What?" He asked.

"You were flirting with her." I accused.

"No I wasn't. And what would it matter if I was? Are you jealous?" He asked.

"What? I don't get jealous. No jealousy for me. No way, no how. For you to even imply I am jealous is just absolutely redic…" I said.

"Okay, I get the point. You're not jealous." He paused before his next statement. "Just selfish."

The look I gave him should have had him running for cover but he just leaned back in the booth, his arm draped casually over the back of it.

"Excuse me?" I asked.

"Why are you and Angela fighting?" He asked.

"It's nothing. She wants me to be her kid's godmother. I mean , can you imagine?" I laughed.

"That is quite an honor." He said quietly.

"To you maybe." I rolled my eyes.

"To most people. Why are you so against it?" He asked.

"I don't do kids." I said.

"But at one time you did, right? Amy?" He said.

I blinked furiously as sorrow rushed through me.

"How dare you throw that back in my face." I hissed. "I shared that with you to let you know that I got how you were feeling. I was being nice."

"Which is rare for you." It was a statement, not a question.

"It's a harsh world." I said.

"Doesn't mean you have to be."

I leaned forward.

"Do you think I am a bitch?" I asked, really wanting to know.

"I think that you are at times bitchy, but no, I don't think you are a bitch. I think that you are confused and scared and lost, but not a bitch."

"I am not scared…or lost…or confused. I happen to like how my life is."

"Empty?" He asked, his head cocked as he looked at me.

"You think my life is empty?" I whispered, feeling beaten down for some reason.

"You live alone, you work long hours, you have no attachments other than Angela and even that is precarious at best."

"I go to Family Night every week." I protested.

"Because you feel obligated. Not because you want to be there." He surmised.

I looked away because he was right. But damned if I was going to admit it.

"Doesn't matter. I am happy." I said loftily.

"Right. Well as long as you are happy, who am I to argue?" He said.

Then the waitress appeared with our coffee and his cheesecake. God that looked delicious.

I love cheesecake.

He immediately dug in while I watched, drooling. Over the cheesecake people, not him.

"Aren't you going to drink your coffee?" He asked.

"Oh, yeah." I said, my eyes still trained on his plate.

He noticed.

"Do you want a bite?" He asked.

"No." I said.

_Yes._

"You sure?" He asked.

"No. Yes!" I said.

"So which is it?"

"Yes I am sure that no, I don't want a piece of your cheesecake." I clarified.

"Okay." He shrugged, eating a bite and damn if the bastard didn't moan when he did.

I glared at him.

"You don't like your coffee?" He asked.

I hissed and then reached to grab his plate. He pulled it out of my reach.

"Nuh uh. No cheesecake for you." He mocked.

"Why not?" I whined. "You offered earlier."

"Tell you what, you go talk to Angela and tell her you would be honored to be her child's godmother and I will let you have the rest of this." He bargained.

Ooh, he fought dirty. I looked at the cheesecake and then imagined myself babysitting.

Cheesecake vs. One of my rules

Shit! It's strawberry.

"Give it here." I demanded.

He immediately handed it over with a grin and I started devouring it.

I moaned.

"God that is so good."

"Yes it is. It's very good." He agreed, smiling softly. Didn't sound like he was talking about the cheesecake though.

"I had fun tonight." He said.

"Which part was fun? You calling me selfish, empty, lost, confused and scared; or you bribing me with a piece of cheesecake?" I asked.

"All of it." He said.

"You weren't completely horrible company, I guess." I said begrudgingly.

"Oh wow! Thanks for the compliment! Golly gee whiz!" He faked his enthusiasm.

"Never ever say 'Golly Gee Whiz' in my presence again. You got me?" I said.

He laughed.

"Yes ma'am. So do you maybe want to do this again sometime? Maybe move to actual food?" He asked.

"Didn't you know? Cheesecake is actual food. It has fruit and milk and wheat in the crust and…"

"Okay, fine. I give up." He said, shaking his head with a rueful smile.

"What?" I asked, panicked. Why was I panicked?

"I am done asking you out on dates. It is truly getting me nowhere. I was hoping you would see that you could have fun with a guy without having sex and running away, but you are way too stubborn. I can settle for being friends."

"Friends."

"Yeah." He nodded.

"Okay. I can live with that." I said haughtily.

"Good night, Bella. I will see you at work tomorrow."

"Yeah." I said, nodding.

He smiled and walked away and I swore my heart fell to my knees and I wanted to cry. I needed to cry and I had no fucking idea why.

There was one thing I needed right now.

It took me five minutes to get there.

I took a deep breath before knocking.

Angela opened her door.

"Oh, it's just you." She said, with a frown. "I was hoping it was Chinese."

"_It's_ just me. It's _just_ me. It's just_ me_." I said, before breaking out in a sob. I fell into Angela's arms and she led me to the couch and let me lie in her lap until I finished.

"What's wrong?" She asked, worried.

I looked at her.

"I don't want my life to be empty. And it is." I said.

"It doesn't have to be." She said.

"I want to be the baby's godmother." I whispered.

"I'd like that." She said.

"He said he was done." I confided.

"Who did?"

"Edward. He said he wouldn't be asking me out anymore. Said he wasn't getting anywhere with me. Said we could be friends."

"Isn't that what you want?" She asked.

I looked at her.

"Ang, I don't know what I want anymore."

"I know you don't." She kissed my forehead.

Now I just had to figure out what I did want...Good luck with that.

**Sorry for the delay. I really meant it when I said it was already written. I'm just fail at posting. **


	15. Chapter 15

**Whoa! First and foremost, Thank you , thank you, thank you to Tarbecca, who pimped me out on ADF. She brought several followers and reviewers my way. I truly appreciate it as I am not someone who pimps myself out. **

**I am gonna take this opportunity to address a couple of anon reviewers. Someone asked me to lose the journal entries. I can't and I won't. As I have said, this fic is complete and believe it or not, the journal plays an important part of the story later on. And it is supposed to seem childish as there is a part of Bella that is extremely child like. You'll see :)**

**A few reviewers don't like my Bella. Sorry? I mean, what do you want me to say? Yes, she is destructive to herself. Yes, she has a lot of sex with random strangers. Yes, the number is highly exaggerated. It's fiction, y'all. And can I point out, as someone who loves Twilight fanfiction and has read well over five hundred fics, no one seems to mind Edward as a player, as someone so graciously pointed out in a review earlier. Double standards, folks, double standards.**

**For those who don't like my Rose and Alice, they are rather annoying, yes? Damn sisters. lol.**

**Anywho, thanks for each and EVERY review. I truly do appreciate them all. **

**EPOV**

I pulled up to the front of my trailer, cut off the ignition and banged my head against my steering wheel in frustration. Once. Twice. Three times.

What the fuck had I been thinking? I had finally gotten Bella to go out with me even if is was for coffee. Or Pity Coffee, as she called it. I felt a smile cross my lips at that. She truly had no idea how to act. But then she had spewed forth her word vomit on how her day had been and I had been ecstatic. She had confided, in me, again. The first time, being in the supply closet, and telling me about Amy. She was wavering in her rules about not dating and what did I do?

I told her that her life was empty and meaningless. I told her to change. I then threw Amy back up in her face as if it didn't mean anything that she had told me that. We had joked a little after that with the cheesecake and I felt that we could move forward.

Then she had joked away my invitation to a dinner date, as she was prone to do and again, what did I do?

I told her she was too stubborn and that I was giving up and we could be just friends. She had agreed but I could see the hurt expression in her eyes. I should've just shut up, threw her over my shoulder and brought her back here for vigorous rounds of sex, but not me. Why, you ask?

I am a fucking idiot.

"You are a fucking idiot." Rose said incredulously.

I closed my eyes in frustration.

"I know." I groaned.

I had shown up at their house after not being able to get out of my car at mine.

"Want some coffee, Man?" Emmett asked.

"Ugh. No. No coffee. We had coffee tonight. Pity Coffee." I told them.

"What the hell is Pity Coffee?" Emmett asked.

"Has to be something Bella made up." Rose said.

"Yep. She went out for Pity Coffee with me and then I lost my fucking mind." I groaned again.

"What were you thinking?" Rose asked. "You know you have to handle her carefully."

I raised my head up and I looked at her.

"I didn't sign on for this, none of this. I moved here to get a fresh start, not to be paraded around like this month's Eligible Bachelor. This is all you." I accused.

"It wasn't my idea. It is my mother's…and her mother's. Blame the mothers. And yes, you did sign on for it, unbeknownst to all of us, Mr. One Night Stand At Bella's." She hissed.

"I didn't know!" I hissed back.

"Well, now you do and you have known and still you pursued her."

I washed my hand over my jaw and sighed.

"I like her. A lot. She is stubborn and so righteous and sassy and sometimes I want to throttle her and others I want to just…"

"Fuck the shit out of her?" Emmett asked.

"Yeah." I agreed.

"So instead you tell her life is empty and meaningless and that you want to be friends. Smart." Rose taunted.

"Yeah, even I know better than that." Emmett laughed.

"So not funny. I was just trying to get her to see how…" I sighed. "How losing Angela over her stupid rules would end up hurting only her."

"Losing Angela, or losing you?" Rose asked.

Good question.

I entered the hospital reluctantly. I didn't know if I was walking into Hurricane Bella or just Tropical Storm Bella. I decided to try to avoid either one until I could think of something to say that wouldn't make her think I was anymore of an idiot than she already did.

I had made it to the locker room and was undressing when I heard the door open and close. I didn't bother looking as that was the norm around here. It wasn't like we got private dressing rooms.

"Hey."

I turned abruptly as I heard her soft voice.

"Hi." I said.

I looked her over carefully. She didn't look mad, she looked…sad, worried maybe. Her teeth were biting into her lower lip and for the first time since we had met she looked uncertain.

"I just wanted…"

"I'm sorry for what I said…"

We both laughed awkwardly and stopped speaking.

"You go first." I said.

"Okay…" She took a deep breath. 'I know I am not the easiest person to be around. I am opinionated and loud and I think I know it all. And you are right. I am stubborn and confused and lost."

"I shouldn't have said…" I interrupted but she held up a hand to stop me.

"I'm not finished." I nodded. "You were right though it hurt to hear. And the funny thing is, is that my family has been saying it for years but I guess I needed to hear it from someone else who doesn't know me as well as they do. I don't like what I've become. I don't like going home to an empty house and I don't like feeling like an outsider at Family Night. I don't like going home with strangers for sex. But that is what I know and to be honest, no man has ever tried for more. I don't know if that is because I didn't let them or they didn't want to. I talked to Ang last night and I am her baby's godmother, so thank you."

"You're welcome." I said.

"You confuse me." She said suddenly.

"I confuse you?" I asked.

She laughed sheepishly.

"You make me confused, I guess. I don't know how to change. This is who I am, or rather, who I have made myself be. It isn't going to happen overnight. It is going to take some time and I guess what I am trying to say is that I would really like it if you were around."

"Of course, I told you I would be your friend." I said.

I saw some emotion cross through her eyes but it was gone as quickly as it came. She smiled at me.

"I would like that." She said. "Well, I will let you get back to undressing or dressing. I will see you around."

"Yeah, Family Night is tonight." I told her.

"You coming?" She asked.

"Yeah, Sue invited me back. Is that okay because I don't have to go?" I asked.

"No, that's fine. I will see you there, Edward."

"See you there." I said to her departing back.

Friends wasn't what I wanted to be, but it was what she needed at the moment. I could wait.

She was worth it.


	16. Chapter 16

**If you haven't read Chapter 15 EPOV, STOP and go back. Since his POV's are more outtakes than actual chapters and since I am feeling so much love from you all, here is a little bonus for you! Two chapters, one day or er...10 minutes. :)**_  
_

_August 13, 2012_

_Dear Journal,_

_I feel like I have a split personality all of a sudden. There is the me that I am and then the me that I think I want to be…_

_Why did it take a stranger to make me see what everyone has known all along? Am I a bad person? Yes I am opinionated and stubborn and I love the freedom in my life but it there another life out there for me? One I can be happy with?_

**Rule #13 Sometimes There Might Be A Situation Where You Will Need To Bend The Rules Some. Do This While Trying To Stay True To Your Goals.**

I took a deep breath as I hesitated on my father's porch. I raised my hand to knock and then lowered it again.

Aarg! I am not this unconfident person.

I had a seat on the swing that adorned the porch and swayed back and forth, silent but for the creaking of the swing.

"Penny for your thoughts."

I jumped and placed a hand over my fast beating heart.

"You scared me." I accused.

"Sorry. I actually made a lot of noise coming up the stairs." He laughed.

"Oh." I said.

"Mind if I sit down?" He asked.

"You're asking? I expected you to flop your ass down here anyway." I said, making room as I spoke.

"Figured I would be polite." He teased, sitting down next to me.

"Why now?" I asked.

He nudged me with his shoulder and I hid a smile. Friends, I reminded myself.

"How are you?" He asked.

"Fine." I said.

"Oh, that explains why you are sitting out here instead of in there." He mocked.

"Shut up." I said finally cracking a smile.

"Ah, there it is. That beautiful smile of yours. I was beginning to think it was a myth."

I rolled my eyes.

"That was just cheesy. I am ashamed to call you my friend." I sighed.

He chuckled.

"Seriously, why are you out here?" He asked.

"Honestly?"

He nodded.

"I don't know how to act." I said quietly.

"What do you mean?" He asked.

"I mean, I don't know what to say to them."

"You act like you always do." He suggested.

"I am trying to change." I reminded him.

He turned to face me, his legs touching mine. I tried to ignore the sizzle of electricity,

"How do you see this changing thing going?" He asked.

"Well, I should be nicer, stop the snarkiness. Not be so demanding. I should dress older. I should stop drinking. Stop the one night stands. Learn to cook, stop wasting so much money eating take out. Fire my housekeeper and learn to clean. Stop speaking my mind so much. Things like that." I looked down at my feet.

I was startled when he put his finger under my chin and made me look at him.

"If that's your plan then I want you to forget it." He said.

"What? You are the one who told me…" I protested.

"No. I told you to let people in. I told you to lighten up on your rules. I told you to be flexible." He said.

'I'm not flexible." I said, making a face at him.

He chuckled.

"Now there I disagree." He smirked.

I rolled my eyes and hit his shoulder, hard.

He rubbed it while mock glaring at me.

"You were saying…" I hinted.

"I like the way you dress. I like you being bossy. Makes me feel alive. I love the way your hair smells. Don't fire your housekeeper because I am afraid I will have to dig you out of the carnage one day or be forced to call Hoarders. Don't try cooking unless you have the fire department on speed dial. Even then, you should stick to ordering in. Drinking is fine in moderation. Do let people in. You will be happier that way. Bond with your family, they love you. That doesn't mean you have to get married and have 2.5 kids and a white picket fence and a mini van."

"Yuck." I said. "And the one night stands?" I asked.

"Oh you have to stop them. Definitely. Way beneath you." He said.

"Excuse me? May I remind you who picked up who?"

"Meh, hardly knew the girl." He said, clearly joking.

"It should've stayed that way." I said.

"No, it shouldn't have." He said seriously. "I don't think I have felt this good in years."

"Well you should have had a one night stand before this, then.."

"It's not about the sex. It never was." He said.

"What? That was some good sex." I feigned hurt.

"It was great sex, but you are more than just a body to me." He told me. He leaned forward and I unconsciously moved back. He halted and smiled understandingly.

'What are you doing out here? We were wondering if you were going to show…Oh, Hi Edward." Sue said, surprised.

"Hello Sue, good to see you again." He said smoothly.

"I will just…go inside…and leave you two…alone out here. Come in when you are ready." She made a beeline for the door, no doubt to shriek with the girls about me talking to Edward and the fact that no one was dead yet.

"She is a very nice lady." He remarked.

"The best. I don't like I have ever told her that." I realized.

"Well, now you have you chance. And by the way, that is what I was talking about. Let them know your true feelings, support their decisions, but know this, if you ever stop the snarkiness…I will never talk to you again." He said.

"Turns you on?" I asked.

"You have no idea." He laughed.

"That is a very inappropriate remark to make to your friend." I chastised.

"You know you like it." He said, daring me to argue that point.

"You know what, I do. I do like it. More than I want to." I admitted.

"I know." He said. He stood up. "Let's go inside and eat." He suggested.

I got up and looked at the door.

"They are your family. They love you. Give them a chance." He said.

"Okay. Let's go do some bonding." I said.

"Hmmm…bonding." He waggled his eyebrows.

"Bonding, not bondage." I rolled my eyes, laughing.

"Damn…" He sighed teasingly and opened the door for me.

I took a deep breath and walked through it.

Maybe change won't be such a bad thing.


	17. Chapter 17

__**So one of the anon reviewers thought Bella should be in therapy. She told Edward that she was a few chapters ago...of course, this therapist isn't your normal therapist. Again, this is when I take fictional liberties, y'all, cause no one should have a therapist like this one. *snickers***

_August 14, 2012_

_Dear Journal,_

_Family Night was fun last night. Maybe I was looking at them with different eyes, through Edward's eyes…but they are all so content and happy with their lives just as I once thought I was. He seems to fit in there. I wonder if I ever will…_

**Rule # 14 A Situation May Arise To Where You Have To Talk About Yourself. Answer Vaguely And Then Turn It Back On The Other Person. The Less People Know About You, The Less They Can Use It Against You.**

"So what do you want to talk about today?"

I looked at my shrink. Dr. Jessica Stanley was blonde, slim, pretty and sarcastic. In other words, just like me only add twenty years.

"I met someone." I blurted out. "And he is charming and nice and hot as hell. He is a doctor here, he just moved here, and he is my brother in law's best friend from New York and my mother made my step father hire him so I could settle down with him, only he didn't know it, right? So I go to O'Malley's and I take him home and fuck him and oh my god, he is so good at the sex thing. I kick him out and find out I work with him and that he is competition for the chief job and I still don't know what to do about that. Normally I would just kick his ass but I maybe like him. Okay, I do like him but he says that my life is empty and that I am confused and really, that is kind of rude, don't you think? I think it is and I am rude a lot, so I would know. But I think he might be right, so I am going to be Angela's baby's godmother and start being nice to the interns and tell them more nicely that they are crap at their jobs and try to have a relationship with Charlie. But he did say that if I stopped being all snarky he would never talk to me again because it turns him on and I like him turned on because he has a big cock. I am talking Monster Cock. We haven't kissed since the one night stand, no hand holding, no nothing. I know I don't hold hands but I might like it. He has nice hands. Oh, we did have a moment in a supply closet when he lost a patient." I took a deep breath. "So, what do you think?"

Jessica just looked at me, mouth hanging open, glasses pulled off of her face.

I waved my hand in front of her.

"Hello? Anyone home?" I asked.

She cleared her throat.

"I have been seeing you for…what…five years?"

I nodded.

"And I have never heard you talk this much…ever."

"I talk."

"Yeah, you utter monosyllabic sentences designed to drive me crazy and curse you for wasting my time when others could make better use of it."

"Hey!" I protested, offended.

"What? You do."

"I pay you well to sit here and do nothing. You should thank me." I said.

"So if I checked myself into the hospital and said I needed brain surgery and you spent time and energy looking at tests and trying to find out what it wrong with me just to have me say 'I was giving you a breather, you should thank me', what would be your response?"

"I would kick your ass." I admitted. "So why did you keep giving me appointments then?"

"You intrigue me. I wanted to bear witness to the day you feel off your high horse and hit the ground, hard. Looks like that day is upon us." She said.

"And how does that feel?" I asked sarcastically.

"It feels…great. Wonderful even. How do you feel?" She asked.

"Didn't you just hear what I said?" I asked.

"Well, it was kind of one big long jumble of words and fragments spoken in one breath. You were kind of wheezing there at the end." She informed me.

"Don't make me say it again," I groaned.

"I won't. So this guy, you like him."

"I might like him." I said.

"And the sex, you said it was good?"

"Well, it was just the one night…four times in one night and good doesn't even cover it. I kissed him." I admitted.

"You kissed him when?" Jessica asked.

"The night we had sex." I said.

"Don't most people kiss during sex?" She asked, confused.

"I don't. I haven't kissed a guy since I was fifteen." I looked down at my hands.

"Why?" She asked.

"I don't know. Maybe because Riley Biers slobbered all over my face. Maybe because that is so…"

"Intimate?" She supplied.

I chewed on my bottom lip.

"Tell me, do you enjoy cunnilingus?" She asked suddenly.

"I wouldn't know, I have never had that done to me."

She sat straight up in her chair.

"Seriously? No guy had ever went down on you?" She asked, astounded.

"No." I said, feeling slightly inadequate.

"Do you…" She trailed off.

"Do I suck cock?" I finished.

"Yeah."

"Yes, don't you?" I asked.

"Yes but then again, I am getting something out of it, too. Do you spit or swallow?"

"What does that have to do with anything?" I asked, starting to get weirded out.

"Just answer the question." She demanded, leaning forward.

"I never get to the point where that is an issue. I just have them finish during sex."

"Do you wear a condom?" She asked.

"No, I am female. I don't have a peen." I snarked.

She looked at me impatiently.

"Yes, every guy but one has had to wear one. No glove, no love." I said.

"All but one?"

"Edward. I didn't make Edward wear one."

"And Edward is the guy you like." She stated.

"Yes."

"But he was a one night stand, correct? You didn't know him before that night?"

I nodded in affirmation.

"So why him? How was he different?"

"I don't know." I whispered. "That's where it gets so confusing to me. It's like when we met, there were…sparks. It was like being fucked with a lightning rod." I described. "I couldn't focus on anything but him and how good I felt in that moment, being there with him. I just…threw my rules out the window for him."

"And how did that feel? Throwing the rules out?" She asked.

"It felt good." I said softly. "But then reality reared its ugly head and all I could think of is that he was here to take the job I have worked so hard for away from me. How my family brought him here to tie me down. And I pushed him away."

"You pushed him away? Does that mean there is no hope for you two in the future?" She asked.

"No, we are friends." I stated proudly.

"You, friends, with the guy possessing the lightning rod?" She clarified.

"We are waiting." I said.

"Waiting? For what?"

"For me to be all whole and healed or whatever. For me to be ready to move forward." I informed her.

"Did he say this? That he was waiting?" She asked.

I frowned.

"Well not in so many words. But he will. He likes me. Says that my snarkiness turns him on." I grinned.

"Yeah I got that part. You turn him on, great. Did he say he would wait for you? Maybe he just wants to be friends." She said.

I sat there for a moment, thinking. He hadn't actually said he would want me romantically…ugh I couldn't even believe I said that. He had said he wanted to be friends. Do friends have chemistry like that? I mean I love Angela but I didn't want to screw her.

I stood up.

"I have to go." I announced.

"Where?"

I didn't answer and sped out of the room.

"Have you seen Dr. Cullen?" I asked urgently to the surprised nurse on the green pod.

"Um…yeah. He is in on call room three."

"He had better be alone." I growled.

"Um…I don't know?" She asked fearfully.

I stormed into the room and saw him sleeping on the cot, soft snores coming out of his opened mouth, his hair mussed and his scrubs wrinkled.

So I did what any girl would do…

I hit him.

I don't know many girls and the ones I do know would have hit him, no judging.

"Ow! What the hell did you do that for?" He asked, shooting up in the bed and blearily focusing on me while rubbing his head where I had hit him.

"What are your intentions towards me?" I asked.

"My what?" He asked.

"You heard me."

He opened his mouth to speak.

"Shut up." I demanded. He closed his mouth.

I looked at him. He stayed silent.

"Well? I'm waiting!" I demanded.

"But you told me to shut…never mind. We're friends?" He asked.

"Is that all we are? I mean are you my friend now until I get all whole and healed and then you will want more, or are you just going to be my friend? Cause if I give up the men and most of the booze and act nicer and I just get a friend out of it, I am going to be pissed!" I ranted.

He smiled softly at me.

"You are smiling at me? Don't smile at me." I growled.

He grabbed me by the arm and drug me on the bed with him, his arms engulfing my rigid body.

"I will be whatever you want me to be, whenever you need me to be it." He said, breathing into my neck.

"What does that even mean?" I asked frustrated.

"It means that right now you need a friend. But one day, hopefully soon, you will need a date, then one day after that, a boyfriend, and I am praying to God that one day after that, you will want a whole hell of a lot more than that. But I can wait. I will wait."

"Why?" I asked.

"Because you are worth it. You have me wrapped around your little finger so tightly that I will never be able to get unwound." He chuckled.

"How? You barely know me." I asked softly.

"I know enough. I know that the night I met you, my life took on a whole new meaning." He told me.

"That's…that's…scary." I sighed.

"It is. But we will be scared together…one day. Until then, I am here as your friend. Okay?"

I turned in his arms and looked into his twinkling green eyes.

"Okay." I nodded.

"Can you do me a favor?" He asked.

"Try to hurry a little? My balls are aching something fierce." He said.

I pulled back with a frown. Were future boyfriends supposed to say that?

He finally let loose with a laugh so loud I am surprised people didn't yell 'Earthquake!'.

"The look on your face." He roared in laughter.

I hit him harder on his head and then pushed him off of me.

"You are a douche. Doucheward shall be your new name." I said loftily.

He shrugged.

"I have been called worse." He said.

"Give me time and I will top it." I vowed walking out on him and his resulting laughter.

I turned the corner and cracked up myself.

Maybe laughter is the best medicine.

**I told you she was unorthodox...**


	18. Chapter 18

August 17, 2012

_Dear Journal,_

_I read in a magazine once that having a sister was having a best friend for life. I had snorted at that at one time, but now after having thought it over, I may have missed out._

_Is it too late?_

**Rule # 15 Honesty Is Always The Best Policy. It May Hurt The Person But At Least They Will Know Where You Stand.**

"You were awfully quiet the other night." Rose said, pretending to focus on a medical journal. I was insanely jealous to know that what she skimmed in that book would be forever ingrained into her mind. Stupid Photographic Memory.

"Yeah." I said, focusing on my food.

"Why were you quiet?" She probed.

I sighed.

"It has come to my attention that maybe I am a bit…" I hesitated, trying to think of a word that fit.

"Bitchy? Judgmental? Holier than Thou?" She suggested.

"Don't hold back on my account." I grumbled.

"I'm sorry. I just…never mind." She said, shaking her head and returning to her reading.

"No, I wanna know. You just what?"

"Do you know why I always hang around you?" She asked, putting down the journal.

"Because you want good cases?" I suggested.

She rolled her eyes.

"No."

"Then why?" I asked, focusing my attention entirely on her. "I mean, what _do _you think of me?"

"You are a horrible sister and daughter and aunt. Dad messed up. He knows this. He has been trying to right his wrong ever since. But you won't let him. My mom is a saint. She has taken your over the top comments and your crude language in her home because she feels guilty. Because you didn't have the childhood she felt you deserved. She feels that she is the reason you are the way you are. Alice looks up to you. Not me, you. I always felt resentment towards you because of that. You wanna know why?" I nodded. "Because I have been the one who would help pick her up when she fell, or help kiss her boo boos, or helped out when she was sick, or celebrated her getting a good grade, or when her crush finally noticed her. I helped her worry about your reaction when she fell in love with one of your previous conquests. And the whole time any of that would happen, she would ask for you. Not me. And I was there the whole time. And me…you have disappointed me time and time again. I actually went after Emmett out of spite. Not that you cared. He was your throw away, your cast off, but to me, he is my soul mate. You couldn't even be bothered to be a bridesmaid and left as soon as you could pick up the bartender. I wanted to share my joy with you when I was pregnant with Emily but you had your head stuck so far up your own ass, you didn't know it. And I think it is high time you started treating all of us with the respect and love we deserve. If it is not too much trouble."

She looked stricken for just a minute when she realized what she had said.

"Oh my God. I am so sorry." She said.

I shook my head at her reaction.

"Thank you." I said softly. "I think I really needed to hear that."

"What?" She asked, shocked.

"I know that this is way too late but I am sorry. I am sorry I did that to all of you. I haven't been a good person, I know that now. And I can't take it back, but I can do my best to try to not do it again. And I am going to need your help with that, because I am new at this changing thing. Rose, I am going to need you." I said, sniffling.

She burst into tears.

I blinked, astonished and all I could do was pat her back awkwardly. She leaned back and rolled her eyes and gently wrapped her arms around me. I stiffened, but then I put my arms around her.

So this was hugging, huh? Not so bad, kind of awkward, but maybe that was because I wasn't used to it.

I could get used to it, I think.

"What the hell is going on?" Emmett asked.

"The Apocolypse." Jasper responded.

Rose and I pulled away from each other, each wiping our eyes.

"Shut up." I grumbled.

"Oh my God! You are crying? You, the Ice Queen?" Emmett guffawed.

I tried like hell to hide the hurt in my eyes but knew I deserved it. So I would just suck it up and take it and try not to be so damn sensitive. Where the hell was my thick skin?

"Shut the fuck up, Emmett." Rose said, her tone harsh.

Everyone at the table just stared in shock at her.

"What the hell did I do?" He asked.

"That is my sister you are messing with. My blood. It is Sisters before Misters, so if you want sex anytime soon, you will curb the attitude."

"Okay." He said quickly before sharing a look with Jasper, who smirked and leaned forward.

"I will so tell Alice." Rose warned.

Jasper leaned back in his seat and started eating.

It was awkward silence for a while then I caught sight of Angela walking down the hall.

"We should throw Angela a baby shower." I mused out loud.

Emmett choked on his food and Jasper dropped his fork.

"I think that is a wonderful idea, Bella." Rose smiled.

"Yeah. I think so too, Rose. I think so, too."

"Hey." Edward said, his mouth breaking out into a smirk.

"Hey." I breathed. I bit my lip which caused him to look at it, his desire nakedly obvious at my action. That is why I did it.

"Hey." Vicky mocked, emulating my tone and pretending to fawn over Edward. Then she rolled her eyes, grabbed her chart and walked away, muttering 'How the mighty have fallen' loudly under her breath.

I watched her with narrowed eyes, starting to go after her, but his hand on my arm restrained me.

"She is a character, isn't she?" He mused.

I blew out an annoyed breath.

"Yeah, she is something alright." I agreed.

"How has your day been?" He asked, his body leaning near mine, giving me his undivided attention.

"Oh you know, same old, same old…Had my sister tell me what a horrible person I am, which makes two of you in the same week." I threw him a sassy look. He looked guilty. "It's alright. I needed to hear it, her more than you." I sighed. "I just don't think I realized what I self absorbed bitch I have been until now. It is quite sobering actually."

"For the record, I love you sober." He smiled.

"Oh really?" I challenged.

"Well, I didn't mind you drunk either." He admitted sheepishly.

I laughed.

"Yeah, that's what I thought."

"But seriously, I think you are amazing and that you are doing great at this turning-your-life-around thing."

"Yeah, I think I am too. It's just so…emotional, ya know? I actually cried today with Rose and surprisingly enough, I don't feel weak. And I thought I would. And I am throwing a baby shower for Angela, _so_ my idea." I winked. "But keep it a secret, okay?"

"Sure, I can do that. So, I was wondering if maybe you would like to come over for dinner. Not a date or anything, just two friends eating at the same place."

"Of course, not a date. When?"

"Whenever."

"Tomorrow night?" I asked.

"Sounds fine."

"Great."

"Great. I have to go work now. I will see you around." He said, smiling as he walked away.

I didn't care how he justified it, it was a date.

Now, if I could just concentrate on keeping my clothes on…

**Thanks, as always, for the reviews and favorites and alerts and all. I truly appreciate them all. I had a reviewer tell me that the fic was 'Grey's word for word'. Why, yes, it is. My first ship was Meredith and Derek. I love Grey's Anatomy. I have for 9 years. I have written Grey's fics since 2008. But I have a new love. Bella and Edward. So I am mixing these two loves of mine up. I hope that is okay with everyone...**

**Once again, cause I keep forgetting to do this (damn old age), I don't own Twilight or Grey's. Never have, never will. *shrugs***


	19. Chapter 19

_August 18, 2012_

_Dear Journal,_

_So tonight is my first official 'non date' date with Edward. He is taking me to his place. Wonder what that is like. Well at least if it is a big house, I know he is not over compensating . Wish me luck._

**Rule # 16 There Will Be Times You Will Be Absolutely Wrong In Your Preconceptions. Like Really Wrong. Keep A Blank Face And Roll With It.**

I stole a glance at my watch. I was late. Normally that wouldn't bother me, but Edward was waiting for me. I knew that he got it, that he understood what being a doctor was all about but the truth was I really wanted to get the night started.

I took the steps two at a time and practically ran the poor guy over.

"Oof." He grunted.

"Sorry." I panted.

"Last time we tried this, you were much less enthusiastic." He deadpanned.

"You want me in a bad mood?" I asked, with a raised eyebrow.

"Maybe." He said coyly, with his own eyebrow raised.

Oh, right. Moody Bella turned him on. I dared a glance at his crotch. Hmmm…I licked my lips.

"Bella." He sounded amused. He probably looked amused too, but I was still looking at his goods.

"Hmmm?" I murmured innocently.

"Can you please stop looking at my crotch like you want to eat it?" He asked.

"Now there is an idea." I said.

He groaned, it twitched.

"Okay, eyes up." He said, tipping my chin up. I grinned unabashedly at him.

I put my coat on, arching my back as I did so. I might have done it deliberately. Okay, I did. Once finished I adjusted my shirt, pulling it down for the optimal cleavage effect. His eyes were trained on my chest.

"Eyes up." I mocked.

He smirked as his eyes met mine.

"You ready?" He asked.

"Yep."

"After you." He said, indicating I should go first.

"You just want to look at my ass." I accused, but doing as he asked.

"Hell yeah I do." He admitted.

I might have made sure I swung my hips more than necessary.

"Okay so there are a few things I should probably tell you." He said.

I looked at him warily. We had been driving for over an hour already and though I thoroughly enjoyed the ferry ride, which I hadn't done in years, I was ready to be…somewhere.

"You are a serial killer who preys on innocent…" He shot me an incredulous look. "Okay, on not so innocent women and does depraved sexual things to them?" I finished.

"No." He shook his head in mock exasperation.

"Can you be? Cause the whole depraved sexual things sound great…you know, without the serial killer part." I said.

He burst into laughter.

"You are a bad influence on me, Dr. Swan."

"Ha! Me? What about you?" I asked.

"What about me?" He asked.

"You are here for less than two weeks and you turn my life upside down." I told him.

"Did you ever think that maybe it was already upside down and I helped turn it right side up?" He asked.

Huh. He may have a point.

"You are one of those optimistic people, aren't you?" I sneered.

"Better than a pessimistic pussy." He said.

"I am a pessimistic pussy, or I have a pessimistic pussy? Cause I think my pussy is the most optimistic part of me. What do you think? Was my pussy optimistic enough for you?" I said seductively.

"Can you stop saying pussy, please?" He shifted uncomfortably.

"What's wrong? Stiff?" I asked. We both knew I was referring to his cock and not from sitting too long in the car.

"I'm fine and we are here. Let me warn you, that this not what you are expecting." He told me.

All I could see was lots of trees and green and more trees and dirt and more trees.

"How do you know what I am expecting? People build houses in the middle of nowhere all the time. I mean usually they are The Unabomber or whatever but still, it is not uncommon to…" I was astounded into silence as his 'house' came into view.

"You were saying?" He asked, smugly.

"You live in an aluminum can." I said, stunned.

"I know it's…odd. I just didn't know what I was going to do with this land but I really wanted to start living on it so I just put this on here and it is temp…"

My fingers on his lips shut him up.

"It's perfect." I told him.

His forehead creased in confusion and I moved my hand from his mouth to smooth it out. It lingered on his hair and the little patch of gray that I was just noticing in the moonlight streaming in through the windshield.

I looked into his surprised eyes.

"It's perfect." I repeated. "It's…you." I said, hoping he got what I was saying because I wasn't sure I could put it into cognitive terms.

"You're perfect." He breathed.

I threw my head back and laughed and then looked back at him.

"I…I'm a hot mess but thank you for lying." I said cheerfully.

He just shook his head and with a smile on his face, he got out of the car and came around to get my door. I stepped out and looked around.

It was…beautiful. Breathtaking really. It was so peaceful.

"Is that a stream?" I asked, hearing running water in the far distance.

"Yeah, its over there." He pointed East.

I bit my lip as I casually explored until my eyes stopped on a path next to his trailer. I walked towards it and he followed me silently. The path was long and narrow and of course, surrounded by trees. It opened up into the most incredible landscape I had ever seen. It was huge. There were only trees bordering the land and one side opened up to a cliff which overlooked Eliot Bay and far off Seattle.

"You are going to build here." I stated.

"Yeah."

I nodded.

"Log cabin?" I asked.

"Yeah. How did you know?" He asked.

"I don't know. Maybe it is because it is what I would do. It will be amazing." I finished looking at his land and instead focused my attention back on him. He just stood there looking at me with a indiscernible expression on his face.

"What?" I asked, not knowing what that look was.

"You're amazing." He said.

I shook my head slightly and looked down at the ground, biting my lip. I saw his feet moving towards mine and suddenly I was looking in his beautiful eyes. They were twinkling again, this time with so many emotions that I wanted to run. It was a gut reaction, especially from me but it was just so intense and I was caught like a deer in the headlights in that I wanted to run but my feet, my body was unable to move.

His thumb came up to my mouth and loosened my hold on my lip, soothing it gently. His eyes went to my eyes, then my lips, repeating the action twice before leaning in slightly, slowly as if giving me time to stop what was to happen.

My breath hitched and I tilted my head back just a little. I could feel his warm sweet breath on my face and my eyes closed automatically. I waited for it…

And there is was.

Electricity, as his lips touched mine, just barely brushing against them. I opened my mouth just a little and my tongue darted out and slid along his soft bottom lip. Now it was his breath that hitched as he deepened the kiss.

Next thing I knew, the ground was tilting up to meet me and his long lean body was heavy on mine.

"Oh God." I groaned. He froze, breaking the kiss.

"Why'd you stop?" I whined, pulling him back to my lips.

"Did I hurt you?" He asked.

"No!" I shut him up by shoving my tongue down his throat. I wrapped my legs around his waist, as if to keep him from getting up. I felt his hardness nudge at the place where I ached the most. It had been one of the longest dry spells I had ever had and why do they call it a dry spell? There was nothing dry about me at that moment and why was I thinking?

"Bella."

"Edward." I moaned.

"No, Bella, we need to stop." He panted, breaking away and dropping his head to my neck. I sighed as he rolled off of me.

"Ugh." I said with disgust.

"Friends, remember?" He said.

"Have you ever heard of the phrase 'Friends with Benefits'?" I griped.

He swallowed and I have to admit he looked pained.

"I absolutely can not have sex with you." He said, his tone defeated.

I sighed and let him off the hook. I understood and I agreed. Damn it.

"I am not asking you to have sex with me." I told him.

"Why not?" He asked, belligerent this time.

I rolled my eyes at his tone and got to my feet. I extended my hand and with a grunt I helped him up.

"Didn't you say something about dinner?" I asked.

"Yes, I did. Come on."

This time I walked beside him and I grabbed at his hand and entwined it in mine.

And I marveled about how right it felt.

Who knew?

I sure didn't, but I knew one thing. I didn't want to give it up.

**Thanks again for all the attention you are giving my little fic. It means the world to me.**


	20. Chapter 20

**Thanks again for the attention. Once again, I do not own Twilight or Grey's Anatomy. I do, however, own the computer I am using and the bagel I am eating. Yum. **_  
_

_August 19, 2012_

_No Journal Entry_

**Rule # 17 If You Find Yourself In Unfamiliar Territory, Stay Calm And Don't Let Them See You Sweat. Confidence In Any Situation Is Crucial.**

I shifted to get comfortable and closed my eyes tightly as the light shined in my eyes from above me.

Above me? My eyes darted open and I stared at the skylight I knew wasn't in MY bedroom. I heard a whisper of a chuckle to my right and slowly turned my head towards the sound.

"Morning." Edward said lazily, his head propped up on his hand, his eyes smoldering at me.

"Morning." I croaked out. I raised my eyes as I realized his chest was bare of any clothing. I chanced a quick look at myself and was in parts relieved and disappointed that my clothing was accounted for.

"I didn't let you take advantage of me last night, don't worry." He assured me teasingly.

I narrowed my eyes at him.

"Let me guess. I had too much to drink last night, huh?" I asked sheepishly.

"Just a tad. My fault really. I didn't help by refilling your drink constantly. Besides I drank too much to drive you home." He shrugged.

"You know, I think that was the best night of sleep I have ever gotten." I informed him, amazed. I couldn't even blame that entirely on the mattress which was comfy but more so on the occupant next to me.

"Glad one of us did." He muttered quietly, almost too quietly, but I had super sonic hearing.

"What is that supposed to mean?" I asked. "You didn't sleep well?"

He opened his mouth several times and then closed it each time.

"Out with it." I demanded.

"You know that movie, Ghostbusters?" He asked.

Huh?

"Yeah…" I confirmed.

"Remember Zuul?" He asked.

"That demon like demigod?" I asked.

"Yeah, remember how he sounded?" He asked.

What? Oh no. Was he saying…

"I snore?" I screeched, horrified.

He looked apologetic.

"Yeah." He confirmed.

"Why hasn't anyone told me…" I trailed off, already knowing the answer. No one has ever slept in a bed with me besides Angela and I am sure she couldn't hear me over her own raucous noise.

"It's not a big deal." Edward said.

"Obviously it is, or you wouldn't have brought it up." I pointed out.

"There are procedures you could look into to." He said.

Now I am sure his intention was to assure me, but instead it kind of pissed me off.

"You want me to get a surgical procedure for a condition no one hears anyway?" I asked, just to get things straight.

"Well I hear it." He informed me.

"Once."

"I will be hearing it a lot in the near future."

"Oh will you? Because my thought is if a little snoring bothers you then you are really going to hate all of my other flaws. And believe me, there are plenty."

"A little? I wouldn't have heard it if a bomb went off in here." He complained.

So this is how he wanted to play it.

"Yeah, well you have horrible morning breath. I mean, would it have killed you to get up and brush your teeth before I woke, seeing as how you couldn't sleep because of my loud sawing of wood?" I hissed.

"What? I do not have bad morning breath." He defended, before cupping his hands to his mouth and breathing. He winced. I looked at him pointedly.

"Yeah, okay." He said sheepishly.

"So I can look into halitosis cures for you?" I asked innocently.

"I will wear ear plugs." He surrendered.

I raised an eyebrow.

"And brush my teeth in the mornings or at least keep breath mints nearby." He finished.

"See, we aren't even a couple and we are already compromising." I stated proudly. "Men are easy to train."

He glared at me and then got this devilish look on his face before pouncing and huffing into my face.

I shrieked and struggled to get away. That only succeeded in me getting tickled.

As his laughter and my giggles filled the quiet morning air, I thought how I could do this for a very long time.

"Good morning." I said cheerfully as I entered the elevator where Rose, Angela, Emmett, Ben and Jasper were already in. Edward followed me in and nodded at all the occupants and offered a quiet good morning as well.

I felt all eyes on us as the doors closed. However, I ignored them as I stared at the doors. I should have known they wouldn't keep quiet though.

"Was she cheerful?" Jasper asked.

"How is that possible?" Emmett asked.

"Forget that, aren't those the same clothes she wore yesterday?" Rose asked.

"Ooh, someone is doing the walk of shame." Emmett laughed.

"Well, Edward is wearing different clothes. So either, she stayed with him or he went home alone and whacked off and she went to O'Malley's and picked up some random lay." Angela pointed out.

I shot a covert look at Edward and saw his lips were twitching. He found this funny.

"Angela." Ben admonished.

"What? I am just calling it as I see it." She told him.

Okay fun time was over.

"She is standing right here." I spoke of myself in third person. I turned slightly and glared at all of them.

"Oh, we know. We just don't care." Angela grinned at me.

"Bitch." I huffed.

"Bella went home with me last night." Edward chimed in but said nothing else.

"Ooh, getting lucky already. I know she couldn't hold out." Emmett said and then he held his hand out to Jasper who groaned.

"You gave it up already? I had more faith in you than that with this whole changing thing. I thought you would wait until at least this weekend. Now I am out fifty bucks." He complained.

"You two are betting on my sex life?" I asked. I wasn't sure if I found that funny or insulting.

"Not just us." Jasper said, glancing at the others.

"Oh no, you four didn't." I said.

"Four? There are five of us." Angela said.

"Yeah but Ben is a gentleman and wouldn't do that." I pointed out.

Ben blushed and avoided my eyes.

"That is just wrong." I huffed. "What did you bet?"

"One month." He said sheepishly. I raised my eyebrows at Rose and Angela.

Rose shrugged.

"I lost already. I gave you two hours."

"I said two days." Angela offered.

"You are supposed to my friends, my family. You suck. And for your information, we didn't have sex." I whirled around and faced the doors again. How long did a fucking elevator take?

It finally opened and I stomped off and headed towards the locker room. Edward caught up to me and pulled me to his side.

"You okay?"

"Yeah." I smiled. "I am not really angry just a little put off."

"They mean well." He said.

"I am going to make them all lose. I am not going to have sex with you ever." I said.

"Um…no. I don't like that at all." He protested.

"Why?" I asked flirtatiously.

"I loved having sex with you." He said, his voice making me squirm. "I can't wait until I get my cock in your tight wet heat again."

I moaned.

"Yeah well wait until September fifth. I stand to win a lot of money." Vicky said passing by.

We both watched her leave with wide eyes.

I looked back at Edward and burst out into laughter.

Our friends were crazy.

But then again, maybe we were crazier…

About each other.


	21. Chapter 21

__**I don't own this. What I do own is a smashed Blu-ray player because the husband I own has anger management issues. Rat Bastard...**

_October 1, 2012_

_Dear Journal,_

_I know I have been MIA…sorry for that. I have just been so busy. I just never knew how wonderful it would be letting people in. I actually look forward to Family Night and going out with Edward. I smile more and I laugh more and I am nicer (or so I have been told). Plans are in full swing for Angela's surprise baby shower. She is having a girl! I am even able to handle her hormones. For example, I was stuck working with Angela and Vicky and they were both in bitchy moods. Just handed them strawberry milkshakes and all was well._

_Back to Edward. I never knew how easy it would be to trust someone. He is so smart and funny and kind and he gets me. He doesn't judge me for my past and he seems to enjoy getting to know me, warts and all. I can't believe I am saying this, but I think that he is the ONE. I am so nervous and scared and happy all at once. Who would've thought that me, Bella Swan, could see herself settling down with just one person? I haven't thought of sex with anyone else. Then again, I haven't had sex in months…I think my good girl is getting cobwebs…_

**Rule #18 The Time Will Come When You Will Lose Your Mind And Throw Out All The Rules. Do This While Carefully Guarding Your Heart.**

"So…pink and white?"

I chewed on my pen cap and looked over our list. Sue, Rose, Alice and I were sitting at Sue's dining room table going over final plans for Angela's baby shower.

"She will hate it." I said honestly.

"She is having a girl. Girls wear pink." Rose pointed out.

"Yes, but this is Angela we are talking about. She doesn't 'do' pink."

"Oh well then if we are going by colors that Angela likes, we will have this baby shower looking like a Goth convention for tiny humans." Rose shot back.

I giggled.

"How about pink and brown? Brown is neutral and the pink won't be so overpowering." Sue suggested.

"That is kind of perfect." I mused. "Okay, food?" I went down the list.

"Taco dip." Alice said.

"Rotel." Rose said.

"I vote for finger sandwiches. And maybe some ice cream punch, peanuts, mints…" Sue said.

"What if we do a baby theme?" I asked.

"Like chocolate bars to look like baby poop?" Alice asked in disgust.

"Um…no." I threw her a weird look. "Eww…like make everything small. Like finger sandwiches, mini pizzas, baby carrots with ranch dip, tiny celery, little cookies, cupcakes instead of cake. What do you think?" I asked.

"I love it!" Sue said, her smile lighting up her face.

"It is a good idea. Who would have thought you would have come up with it?" Rose said.

I stuck my tongue out at my sister and went back to my list.

"Okay, I am buying her the crib. I already cleared it with Ben. What are you three getting her?" I asked.

"High chair." Rose said.

"Infant carrier." Alice announced.

"Padded rocking chair with foot rest." Sue said.

I nodded.

"Edward is making the baby a toy box." I said. "Does a baby even need a toy box?" I asked.

"He's making it?" Sue gushed.

"Yeah, he is good with his hands." I said.

Rose snorted.

"I just bet he is."

"Act your age, not your IQ." I shot back. "I didn't mean it that way, though he certainly is, from what I can remember." I sighed. "It's been a long time."

"How long?" Rose asked.

"Since I met him." I confessed.

Sue jumped up from the table and started dancing. No lie, that woman did the Cabbage Patch around her kitchen.

She sat down, clearing her throat.

"You were saying?" She asked innocently.

I gave her a look. Yeah, she isn't fooling anyone.

"He is making the toy box. Now, it will be here in two weeks. We will get here at nine to decorate and prepare the food. Then I will get go get her with the ruse that we are going to get pedicures but tell we are stopping by to get Rose who was here to let Sue watch Emily. The guests will be in the den and their cars in the church parking lot down the street." I looked at Sue. "And I don't care if your cousin Betty wants to walk a block or not, make her fat ass do it anyway." I ordered.

She just shook her head and smiled.

We finished up quickly and cemented all the plans. Rose and Alice begged off early. They wanted some time with their families.

I stayed behind and sipped on my coffee. I had something to say and I didn't know how to go about it.

So, me being me, I just put it all out there.

"I'm sorry." I blurted.

Sue paused in her effort to start dinner.

"Whatever for?" She asked with a smile.

"I haven't been the nicest person to you." I admitted.

She put down her paring knife and came to sit across from me. She didn't say anything, just prepared to listen.

"You have always been so kind to me. You are like the best person I have ever known and I never appreciated it. I mean, what new wife wants their five year old step daughter to intrude on her new life, you know?"

"I did." She smiled, her eyes glassy with tears. "I loved your father from the first moment I saw him. Knew he was the one. He was totally upfront about having a daughter. His eyes lit up every time he talked about you. He showed me endless pictures of you. I know that he seemed cold to you, but you look a lot like your mother and at that time, the wounds were raw. That is no excuse, but he is a good man and he loves you. You were never an imposition to me, ever."

"But I was such a bitch." I said.

"You were hurting. You have always been hurting. Lonely. Scared. Until Edward. I swear, moving him here was the best decision a group of people ever made."

"I knew you were in on it." I mock growled.

"Oh sweetie, I was the person who started all of it. Ever since Rose's wedding when I met him…he was perfect for you. Just the right amount of determination, good looks, charming personality and sheer animal magnetism to get you to take that leap. You just made it easy for us when you slept with him his second night here." She cackled. Yes, my sweet, non assuming step mother just cackled like the Wicked Witch of the West.

"You are quite the mastermind." I said.

"All I have ever wanted for any of you is for you to be happy. Now the three of you are. Though I will not be satisfied until you are walking down that aisle and I hear the words 'I do' come from your snarky mouth."

I shifted in my seat.

"Um…marriage is…"

"Great, wonderful, fantastic?" She supplied.

"A long way off." I finished.

"Yeah, well I can live with that. Now, no more of this apologizing crap. Come help me make this lasagna so that one day in the long off future you can cook dinner for your husband." She demanded.

I got up with a laugh and let her lead me.

It is what I should've let her do all along…

I sucked in a breath and then knocked on the door before I lost my courage. The old me would have pounded on the door, but then again, the old me probably wouldn't have come here in the first place.

I heard light footsteps and then I was looking at my mother.

"Isabella!" She exclaimed, clearly surprised. I don't blame her, I have only been here three times in the past ten years.

"Hi Mom, may I come in?"

She looked surprised again. Don't know if it was asking to come in or calling her Mom.

"Of course, you want something to drink?" She asked.

"Water would be fine." I said.

"I have tequila if you want." She offered.

"No thanks, I'm not drinking right now." I said.

She nodded, searching my face but went to go get my water and then we were sitting on her sofa in her living room.

I looked around curiously.

"You redecorated." I said.

"Yeah, three years ago." She said.

I sighed.

"I resented you. For so long I have resented you." Hey, blurting it out worked with Sue. If it's not broken, don't fix it.

"Yeah that was kind of obvious." She said lightly.

"Do you even know why? Or want to know?" I asked.

"I know why. I broke up your family. I divorced your father and went for what made me happy." She said.

"No, that's not it. I mean, it is part of it, but that is not it. It's not about you picking Phil over Charlie, it is about you picking Phil over me."

"I did no…" She began.

'Let me finish."

She nodded.

"You did. Phil made no secret to the fact that he didn't want kids. And here you are, with one already and not only that, but one that was not his. I know that you were ready to ship me off with Charlie but then he met Sue and replaced you faster than you thought he should have and then…then, the fight was on. And you being Renee Swan, you won. Did you think, even for one minute, I would've been better off with Dad and Sue? That I could've been loved instead of ridiculed for being my father's daughter?" I asked.

My mother was pale and shaking.

"I know that I was hard on you Isabella but I didn't want you to grow up like him. He was a weak man. I wanted you to be strong, like me." She said.

"Do you think I wanted to be a bitch when I grew up? Cause that is what I am, what I was. And he is not weak. He is a good man, who raised a good family with a good wife. I let your views of him poison my mind and I have spent my life punishing him for something he didn't do. You cheated, you left, you chose you, but we all suffered."

"What is the meaning of this?" She asked stiffly.

"To tell you what you did wrong and to tell you that I forgive you for it. I know I didn't always do right but your sins far outweigh mine. I want to move past this so that someday we an have the relationship I have always wanted, always needed." I explained.

She nodded and then looked out her bay window, gathering her thoughts.

"I love you, you know. I want nothing more for you to be happy." She finally said.

"I am there. Well, almost. I am trying to right all the wrongs in my life so that I can move on." I told her.

"It's Edward, isn't it?" She asked, a small smile playing on her lips. "You know, I thought Sue was crazy when she told me her idea, well, I thought she was crazy for standing on my doorstep period, but it looks like she was right."

"She is a smart woman." I agreed.

My mother perused my face again and smiled serenely.

"That she is." She murmured.

This was my next to final stop and to say that I was nervous was an understatement. I was terrified. I blew out a breath and opened the door.

"Yes, may I help you?" A simple smiling woman asked me.

"Yes, I am here to see Charlie Swan, please."

"Do you have an appointment?" She asked, pleasantly.

"No, I don't. I am his…"

"Bella!"

I took a deep breath and smiled at my father who was walking in the door.

"To what do I owe this pleasure?" He asked, smiling.

I couldn't help it, I burst into tears. Loud racking sobs…in other words, ugly crying. He blinked at first, confused and then he led me into his office and shut the door, only taking the time to tell his assistant to hold his calls.

He sat me gingerly down on his couch and rushed to get me water, quickly bringing it to me before sitting down next to me.

I took several deep breaths and tried to calm down. He was never going to understand me if I was honking like a goose.

"I am an awful person." I started. I felt the need to ease into this with him.

"No, you are not." He said immediately.

"Yes, I am. Or rather, I was. I am trying to change but I still have this obstacle in my way." I stopped avoiding and I looked at him. "I'm sorry. I am so, so sorry. You didn't deserve what I put you through. You did nothing to me, nothing. I just…I was so angry. On one hand, I had Mom telling me what a spineless, weak excuse for a man you were and telling me that she would not stand for me being that way; then on the other I saw you making this whole other family with someone else. Having kids, kids I thought were there to replace me because surely I wasn't good enough to be part of your happy family. I saw the family I should've had, but didn't. Instead, I got to live with this cold woman and the husband she broke up our family for. It was just all so confusing!" I explained.

My dad, my sweet, patient dad, gently grabbed my hands and held them, making me look at him.

"Don't you get it? You are my little girl. My first little girl. I took care of you by myself for five years. I was all set to get you when your Mom took you away. Do you have any idea how much I suffered? I felt like she ripped my heart out. The cheating, Phil, that never really mattered. You mattered. She hit me where it hurt. I always thought I should've fought harder, but all I got for my efforts when I did fight, was once a month visitation. I was never a match for your mother. This was never your fault. This was my fault and your mother's fault and Phil's fault. We were the grown ups. You were just a scared little girl. And as I watched you grow up, I saw this beautiful, though cold, woman. I knew you would be respected and strong, but I knew you would never really be happy. And now…I thought Sue was crazy making that plan to bring Edward here. It sounded like a stud auction…but as always my wife was right. You are different. Your eyes shine, you smile, you are lighter."

I nodded, choked up.

"Can you forgive me?" I asked.

"There is nothing to forgive. There never was."

I started sobbing again and for the first time in over thirty years, I was hugging my father back.

I parked my car and checked my reflection in the rearview mirror, checking for running mascara streaks. I cried a lot today. What I saw was puffy, though happy eyes. That would do.

I was so happy that I didn't notice the car that didn't belong there. I was going to tell Edward I wanted him, all of him. That was my only focus.

I didn't bother knocking, because he didn't lock the damn door anyway. I slipped quietly in and then stopped in my tracks.

For what I saw was my former soon to be boyfriend standing dripping wet in a small towel smiling at a beautiful younger woman who was lounging on his bed.

I took in the scene calmly, too calmly, and then settled my now cold, not shining, eyes to him.

"You just couldn't wait, could you?" I sneered and then turned around and walked out quickly, ignoring his pleas of 'Bella, wait!'

As I drove off, I thought…

'This is why I had my rules in the first place.'

**Rut roh, Shaggy. I just had to go there, didn't I? Well, it was a long(er) chapter at least. Don't I at least get credit for that? **

**7 chapters to go. We are winding down. But first the wind up..**.


	22. Chapter 22

**Thanks for the reviews! This update is dedicated to myedward3, who sent me the most lovely PM last night. 3 **

**And to A and G, who blew up my phone last night to get the link of my little fic. I love y'all but if you put my phone in distress again, I may be forced to kill you. LOL.**

**EPOV**

What the fuck just happened?

"What the fuck just happened?" Kate, my 32 year old sister asked as I walked back into the trailer after running down the driveway like a desperate man in a towel.

Oh, wait.

"That was Bella running away from me." I ran my fingers threw my hair. "Fuck!"

I helped Kate off the bed and flung her to the kitchen area.

"I need to get dressed. Like now. I love that you surprised me, not so much that you surprised Bella. Now she thinks I am screwing you." I yelled out to her and went to face her when my pants were on.

She crinkled her nose in distaste. "That's just…gross."

"Why are you here anyway?" I asked.

"Gee, great to see you to, Big Brother. I decided to come see the brother that keeps forgetting he has a family back East."

"I don't have time for this Kate. I love you but I…"

"Love her more?" She guessed.

"Yeah, and she thinks I cheated on her. I can't let her think I cheated on her. We have made so much progress, she has made so much progress and I don't want to send her tumbling back through the steps she has made."

I grabbed my keys and rushed out the door. I was surprised when the passenger side opened and Kate got in, grinning.

"What are you doing?"

"I am going with you. Might make it easier to explain if I am backing you up. Though I must say Edward, she kind of needs to work on the trust issues a bit."

I threw her a warning look.

"Not helping?" She guessed.

"No." I growled.

"Okay, well where do you think she went?" She asked.

"If I know Bella, I know exactly where she is."

Thirty five minutes later, yes I sped, found me at O'Malley's. As far as I knew she hadn't been back in here since we had that talk. I scanned the crowd.

"There she is." Kate nudged me.

There she was indeed. With a shot glass in front of her, a full bottle of Patron and a guy on each side. I will be damned if I was going to let this happen.

I made my way through the crowd, dragging Kate with me. She kept up admirably, though I think she tripped over several people to do so.

I saw Bella pour her drink and lift it to her lips. I grabbed it mid air and thrust it at Seth, shoving John Doe #1 out of my way.

"This is not going to happen." I told her.

She glared at me defiantly.

"Who are you to tell me anything?" She said.

"I am everything." I said.

"I thought you were, but it was all a lie, wasn't it? So, who is she? Some girl from back home, some skank you picked up off the street? Who is she? You know what, I don't care. You just walk out of this bar and go away and I will go back to living my life the way it was before you."

"Like hell you will." I growled.

"And how are you going to stop me?" She asked.

I didn't answer and she laughed and turned to the guy I hadn't sent away.

"Wanna go back to my place?" She purred.

He looked at me and then grinned at her.

"Sure."

"If you even try to leave with her, I will take a scalpel to your skull and scoop out your brains with a teaspoon." I threatened. His eyes widened and he hastily took his leave. Smart man.

"There are other bars besides this one." She grabbed her coat and then put her hands on her hips and faced me. "Do you know that this is the longest I have went without sex? But I did it, for you. I just spent the whole day, talking to all of my parents and making amends and crying just so I could come home to you and tell you I wanted more with you. And instead I find you and Blondie alone in your trailer. How could you? I was trying!" She started crying and my heart sunk.

Suddenly she saw Kate

"You brought her with you! You asshole!" She hit me in the chest over and over. People were starting but I didn't care. I grabbed both arms and held them still.

"Listen to me. This is Kate."

"What kind of name is Kate?" She spat. Kate just chuckled behind me.

"The one our mother gave her when she was born." I said.

Bella's eyes bugged out and she blinked spastically several times.

"Your sister?" She asked.

I nodded.

She looked at Kate. "You're his sister?" She asked.

Kate nodded.

"Otherwise known as Skank and Blondie." She quipped.

Bella slapped her hand over her mouth.

"Oh my God! I am so so sorry. I am…just going to go. I'm sorry." She gasped before running out the door.

Here we go again. Thank God I put my sneakers on and put gas in my car earlier.

"Bella!" I called as I caught sight of her rushing to her car. I followed, my shoes slapping against the wet pavement in my attempt to reach her.

"Go away." She called behind her, not stopping.

"No." I caught up to her and grabbed her arm, bringing her to an abrupt stop. I made her face me but she stubbornly refused to look at me.

"Bella, please. Look at me." I demanded softly.

She did and I caught sight of her tears.

"Hey, what's wrong? Its all been cleared up. Kate is my sister. I didn't cheat. All is well with the universe, so why are you crying and running away from me?" I asked.

"I…I walked into your place and I saw this beautiful woman on your bed and I was surprised how deeply that cut. I have never been attached to someone like I have been to you and if you decide that I am not worth it…" She gasped for air. "I'm sorry. I…I just…I can't do this." She pulled away from my grasp and backed away.

"Bella, don't do this." I begged.

She opened the door to her car and looked back at me, long enough to make me feel hope. Her next words squashed that, though.

"I'm so sorry."

She then got into her car, started it and then drove away, leaving me in her dust.

I felt a hand come to lie on my shoulder.

"Just give her some time, Edward. She will be back." Kate soothed.

"I don't know if time is going to do it. I might just need a miracle."

**She is not backtracking people, she was just hurt and lost and did the only thing she knew to do to feel better. Don't worry. HEA on the way! **~ S


	23. Chapter 23

**October 5, 2012**

_Dear Journal,_

_Four days, six hours, twelve minutes and fifteen seconds. That is how long it has been since I have seen him. And I wasn't avoiding, I wasn't. I think that he was though. I couldn't blame him. I had accused him of sleeping with his sister…Okay that just sounds wrong…sigh._

_I have to work on me. I have been working on me, but always knew he was there to catch me if I fell. I need to do this without a safety net, as much as that hurts both of us._

_I just hope he is there when I get done._

**Rule #19 Picking Up The Pieces Is Never Easy. Try To Deal With It On Your Own And Don't Overburden Your Loved Ones. It Is Not Their Problem, It Is Yours.**

"So…let me get this straight. You make amends with Mom, Dad and Renee, go to tell Edward you want more with him, find another woman on his bed, run away, go to O'Malley's, try to pick up two men, he comes in, scares them off, tells you the woman in question is actually his sister, you run away again, then come to the conclusion that because it hurt you to think of him cheating that you are going to pretend you never felt anything at all. Is that what happened?" Rose asked.

"Yes." I said, nursing a cup of coffee.

"Well, that's just stupid." She said.

I glared at her.

"Thank you. Really. You are just fucking awesome. So glad you're my sister." I said sarcastically.

"Hey, you came to me. You have known me for twenty eight years. I don't beat around the bush. You are running scared. Just like you have always done." She said.

"I'm done." I said, as I stood up.

She grabbed my arm before I could walk away.

"Just listen to me, please. Men like Edward don't come around often. He adores you. He lights up when you come into a room. He puts up with your attitude problems, which believe me isn't that easy. He wants you, just the way you are…well without the inappropriate men. Just, if you need time, take it, but don't write him off, okay?" She pleaded.

"This isn't about him. This is about me and what I want." I told her.

She pulled me back into my seat.

"Okay then, let's talk about you. Let's talk about how you light up when he comes into the room. How much everyone can see that you adores him. How you make him smile. How you want to be better for him. How you haven't slept with any man since you met him. How much you love him!" She said.

I shook my head frantically at her words.

"I don't love him." I denied.

"Bullshit."

"I can't love him. I just…I...can't."

"It isn't about whether you can't or not, Bella. It's about whether you do or not. You don't always get to choose who you love. Sometimes it just hits you without warning. You just have to face it and not run away from it."

"That is my choice." I said, stubbornly.

"So instead of facing your fears, you are going to just…what? Go back to the Bella that drinks herself into the ground and then goes home with men that may or may not be serial killers? Go back to alienating the family that you worked so hard to get to know? I can speak for everyone and say that we don't want that." She said, sniffling.

I smiled at her and ran my hand over her hair.

"I'm not going to do any of that. I like who I am now. I think that I just need to be me, the new me, for a while by myself, before dragging Edward into something I may not be ready to put my whole heart into. He deserves someone who will make him their whole world, not someone who is waiting for the other shoe to drop. Do you understand?" I asked her, pleading with my eyes for her to understand.

"Yeah, I get it. That is very grown up of you Isabella Swan." She said proudly.

"Yeah, well it was bound to happen sometime." I shrugged, smiling. "I have to go back to work now."

She nodded and let me get up this time.

"Hey Bella."

I turned back to her in question.

"For the record, I like who you are now, too." She said softly.

I nodded and turned away before she could see the tears in my eyes in response to my statement.

It just reminded me of how much time I had wasted with my family.

"Hey."

I closed my eyes and prayed for strength before turning around to face him. It had been four days and when I looked into his eyes, I knew it had been too long. I had missed him.

"Hey." I replied.

He shifted from one foot to the other. He seemed…nervous.

"How've you been?" He asked, forcing a smile.

I opened my mouth to say 'fine' but in the end I couldn't lie to him. I wasn't fine.

"Miserable."

He brought his surprised eyes to mine.

"You are?"

"Yes. I miss you. I should've called." I said.

"But you didn't." He stated.

"I think I just need…" I struggled for my words.

"Some space." He finished for me.

"Yeah. I need some time, some space." I agreed, so happy he understood.

"Yeah." He looked at me for a long while, his eyes sad. He shook his head and his eyes cleared. "Okay. So I will see you around?"

"Yeah." I said.

He nodded with a smile and walked away.

I absently rubbed my chest to soothe the ache that sight caused.

Then I went back to work.

"What is so important that you drag me to Step-mommy's house in the burbs?" Angela complained as I practically dragged her swollen body to Sue's door.

"I told you, we have to pick up Rose. It will only take a second." I said.

"If it is only going to take a second, then why did you drag my fat ass out of the warm comfortable car to go in with you?" She asked.

Hmmm…how did I answer that one.

I opened the door as I thought of a suitable answer.

"Sue has a gift for the baby." I said in a purely genius move. I do my best lying by staying close to the truth.

"Oh god, she didn't knit my kid an outfit, did she?" She hissed.

"Shhh! She might hear you." I hissed back.

"Just hurry up. I am craving chocolate covered pickles." She said, absently rubbing her belly.

I looked at her in disgust and motioned for her to go in front of me. She swept through the door leading to the den with a huff.

"SURPRISE!"

She gasped as everyone she knew and some she didn't, jumped out at her. She whirled around and looked at me accusingly. I smiled at her brightly, okay, I grinned at her sarcastically…whatever.

"Please tell me you didn't." She said.

"Okay, I didn't." Again, that was partly the truth. I didn't do it on my own…

"I hate you." She said through gritted teeth.

"Smile." I said through my own gritted teeth.

She pasted on a fake smile and turned to greet her guests.

Over the next two hours, she loosened up as we ate, played games, chatted and opened gifts. She got everything she could ever think about needing for her baby. By the time the last guests were leaving, she was genuinely smiling.

I sat down next to her on the couch and we both surveyed the mess left behind.

"I guess I better get started on this room." I said laughingly.

"Wait." She said.

I looked at her expectantly.

"This didn't suck." She said.

I looked at her incredulously and then laughed long and hard.

"I should hope not." I gasped. "I went shopping for pink baby things for you."

"It is a lot of pink." She agreed looking around.

"It would have been worse but I reigned in the others." I confided in her.

"Thanks." She said.

"No problem. I just threatened their lives." I waved away her appreciation.

"No, that's not what I mean. I mean thank you for doing this for me. For being there for me. I thought I would have to go through this without you and I am so very glad I didn't have to." She said.

I leaned my head against her shoulder and she laid her head on mine.

"I love you Angela Cheney." I said.

I could practically feel her roll her eyes but I also felt her smile.

"I love you, too." She said softly.

I am so glad I didn't miss out on this.

**This update is brought to you by the word A which stands for ass crack of dawn. *yawns* But it was now or tomorrow night so...**

**Thanks again for all the attention. It brings a smile to my face. :)**


	24. Chapter 24

_November 25, 2012_

_Dear Journal,_

_It is Thanksgiving Day. The first I have both looked forward to and dreaded at the same time. Looking forward to spending quality time with my family and seeing Edward, who was invited to eat with us. Dreading seeing Edward, because I was still taking space. Six weeks after I told him I was taking space. It takes me a long time to take space apparently. I had seen him multiple times since then, and at first he was friendly but as the weeks passed on, he seemed to grow resigned and then distant. I had seen him talking to Irina and Tia a few times at O'Malley's but I really didn't think anything of it. I was taking space and he was okay with it. Right?_

**Rule # 20 Don't Become So Focused On Your Needs That You Forget The Needs of Others. It Never Turns Out Well In The End.**

"About time you got here!" Sue exclaimed, as she saw me appear in her kitchen doorway after letting myself in. I could hear voices in the den, telling me everyone else had convened there.

"Need any help?" I asked. I wasn't the best cook in the world but I was making strides in improvement.

"No, everything is almost ready. Just finishing up a few minor things. How has your week been?" She asked.

"Good. Exhausting." I told her.

"Was it difficult to get away today?" She asked.

"I took off." I told her.

"Oh…I always thought you had to work on Thanksgiving and Christmas because everyone else had to be off." She said.

I looked down at my hands in shame.

"Oh." She said in realization.

"I'm sorry." I whispered.

"Well, that is all water under the bridge now. How about you go call everyone in so we can eat." She suggested with a genuine smile. It once again struck me how lucky I was to have her in my life.

I walked to the den and looked around before anyone noticed I was there. My eyes didn't find the one person, however, I was hoping would be here.

"Hey there, Bella!" Emmett yelled.

I wasn't the only one who rolled their eyes.

"Time to eat." I said.

"Yes!" He screamed. "Time to grub." He raced past me to the kitchen, Jasper hot on his hills. Charlie kissed my forehead before following them. Alice grabbed Jake and carried him to the dining room. Rose made sure Emma was sleeping soundly before looking at me.

"Glad you could make it this year." She said.

"Me too." I replied, looking behind her into the room.

"He's not here." She said.

"Why not? He was invited, wasn't he?" I asked.

"Yes, Emmett and I invited him, Jasper invited him, Sue called and invited him."

"Then why isn't he here? Is his family visiting?" I asked.

"Everyone invited him, everyone but you. That was the invitation he was waiting on. He called this morning and told Emmett he was going to stay home today, enjoy his day off." She smiled sympathetically.

I bit my lip and breathed harshly trying to hold my tears at bay.

"Can I not do anything right, Rose? I try, and I try and I keep messing everything up. I am trying to change so hard and just when I think I am finally succeeding, I do something that proves I am not succeeding at all." I complained. "Maybe I am just not made for a relationship."

"Don't you dare say that!" She admonished.

"Why not? It's true. I just needed to take some space and it is taking longer than I thought." I sighed, sitting down on the nearest sofa. Rose sat down next to me with a glance at the doorway.

"He is lost right now, too. You said you were taking space and then…nothing. After a few weeks he figured you didn't want him anymore so he went out on a few dates…"

My heart dropped to my stomach and I thought I was going to throw up.

"He went on dates? With other women?" I managed to strangle out. "Who?" I asked.

"What does it matter?" She asked.

"It matters. It matters a lot." Suddenly a light bulb went off. "Never mind, I know who."

"He didn't have a good time. I think he just wanted to see if he could get over you. It didn't work." She said.

"Well good for him. Do you know, he was the last person I had sex with? Of any kind? I don't even use my vibrator, because it pales in comparison. I haven't had an orgasm in over two months! And he is dating?"

"Okay…going back to eat now." Emmett said, disappearing as fast as he appeared.

We ignored him.

"Well, I guess that's that then." I stood up.

"What are you going to do?" Rose asked.

I faked a smile.

'Nothing, absolutely nothing." I said and then headed to the dining room.

"It's about time!" Jasper complained. "I am starving here."

I ignored him and settled into my seat, Rose settling as well, eyeing me cautiously.

"Now that our whole family is here, why don't we each go around and say what we are thankful for." Sue suggested. "Emmett? And keep it clean." She demanded.

Emmett was thankful for Rose and Emma, Rose grateful for Emmett and Emma, Alice for Jasper and Jake, Jasper vise versa, Charlie for his whole family, Sue the same.

Then it was my turn.

"I have never before this year taken the time to consider what I was thankful for, but if I had to guess this time last year, had I been here, I would have said I was thankful for stupid people ramming their cars into poles and brain tumors and lots of willing men. It would have Dad getting red faced and Sue shaking her head while not making a fuss about my vulgar language. I would've been thankful to make a scene. This year however, I have taken the time to focus on what I am truly thankful for. I am thankful for my job and the privledges it allows me. I am thankful that two of my previous conquests had the good taste to fall in love with my beautiful sisters, making them very happy. I am thankful that I have a forgiving and loving family that accepts me for me, even if that me was undesirable. But most of all I am thankful that I now know who I am and that I can look in the mirror in the morning and like what I see. And I have all of you to thank for that." I said, smiling through my tears.

Everyone was moved by my speech.

"Okay, stop your sniffling. Let's eat." I said.

With a laugh, everyone did just that and thus began my first Thanksgiving dinner with my family.

Who needed Edward Cullen?

I slumped my shoulders in answer to my silent question.

I did.

I don't know why I was here. I don't know why I said goodbye to my family with two plates full of food in my hands. I don't know why I buckled up, got on the ferry and then made my way deep into the woods. I don't know why I was sitting out here with my car turned off, facing a new Airstream trailer.

But I was.

I took a deep breath, grabbed the plates and walked with purpose to Edward's door. I knocked three times in rapid succession and then waited. I heard footsteps falling on the linoleum floors and the rattle of the door knob before light poured on me from the trailer behind him.

"Bella?" His tone was surprised, but not unwelcoming.

"Hi. I heard that you decided to spend the holiday alone." I said quietly.

He shifted in the doorway.

"Yeah. I just thought it would be easier." He explained. He looked behind him into the trailer.

Oh God. I closed my eyes in embarrassment. He wasn't alone.

"I'm sorry. I didn't know you were entertaining someone." I thrust the plate at him. "Here. I didn't want you to go hungry and Sue is a great cook. I'm just going to go. Bye." I whirled around quickly and started for my car.

"Will you stop running away from me?" He yelled.

I stopped and looked back at him.

"What?" I asked.

"Everytime I see you, all I see is the back of you. It is very frustrating. I am alone. There is no one here besides me and now you. In fact, the only people who have ever been out here is Emmett, Rose and you. Now, will you please come back here and talk to me?" He pleaded.

I sheepishly bit my lip and walked slowly over to him. He held the door open and I ducked underneath his outstretched arm. I rubbed my hands together quickly to try to warm up. He closed the door behind him and went over to the thermastat, turning up the heat.

"Have a seat." He offered, taking the lid off of the plate and moaning in appreciation. He popped the one with the food into the microwave and the dessert in the fridge. He got out two forks and poured coffee into two mugs, bringing them over to the table.

I took mine and immediately took a sip.

"Thanks." I smiled uncertaintly at him. His eyes met mine and held my gaze until the microwave dinged indicating his dinner was done. He broke our connection and grabbed the plate bringing it to the table. He started digging in, making me glad I had come.

"This is really good. You should help me eat this." He said indicating the other fork.

"I'm stuffed from earlier." I told him, settling back and watching him eat.

After a few minutes, his appetite was sated. He sat back and wiped his mouth with a napkin.

"Thanks. I was too busy wallowing in my own self pity to worry about eating." He said.

"That's my fault." I said.

"Partly." He agreed.

"I am new at this. I don't have to tell you that. I just thought that when I told you I needed some time to work things out, that you would be there waiting when I was done. I took that for granted, I guess." I said.

"I just thought after a few weeks that you decided I wasn't enough for you. So I…um…" He faltered.

"Yeah, I know. Irina and Tia? Really Edward?" I rolled my eyes.

"I know." He groaned. "I had a horrible time, with both of them. Who knew that people in our profession could be so…vapid?"

I burst out laughing.

"I did." I gloated.

"Yeah, yeah, laugh it up." He said.

I wiped my eyes and got serious.

"So…where do we go from here? I'm not ready yet. I'm almost there, I…just…"

"What are you waiting for?" He asked.

"I am waiting until I know without a doubt that I can't live without you."

"And you are not there yet?" He asked, shaking his head. "So I am supposed to wait until you deem me worthy to be with you?" He asked incredulously.

"No! But I don't want to waste your time, if I am just going to up and leave one day." I explained.

He blew out a breath.

"Okay, you go on about your soul searching but I can't guarantee I will wait. I have a life to live, too, and while I want you so much, I can't…"

"Put your life on hold for someone who might never me ready." I finished softly for him. "I understand. I am trying."

"That's what you always say, but how about you stop trying and you start doing? Please." He pleaded.

I nodded and then stood up.

"Goodbye, Edward. For now, not forever." I stopped in the doorway and turned back to him. "Just so you know, if you can't wait, I still want you in my life, one way or another. I will see you at work." I smiled lightly and walked out of his trailer and settled into my car.

I made it to the ferry before I broke down.

**Silly Bella. *SMH* Sorry for the lack of update yesterday. I had work then a fun jewelry party followed by a good little party where I got my drink on...**

**Anywho, 3 chapters left!**


	25. Chapter 25

_December 15, 2012_

_Dear Journal,_

_It has been another twenty days since I talked to Edward. I see him around the hospital all the time. He smiles at me but then walks away. At least he isn't ignoring me completely. He asked me what I was waiting on. I don't know. I am waiting for some sort of sign I guess. One that just jumps out and says that I am meant to be a girl with a boy. Everyone tells me I am over thinking it way too much but they didn't have my childhood. The way I see it, he would be my boyfriend, then maybe my husband, then the father of my children. That is my problem. I would probably suck at the mother part and did I want to subject a kid to my non existent mothering skills? Edward was born to be a father, he probably had June Cleaver as a mother. I, on the other hand, had Cruella Devile. Angela said that if she could be a mother then surely, so could I. I reminded her, she wasn't a mother yet, so I would refrain judgment until then._

_OMG! The baby beeper just went off! Gotta go. My best friend is going to become a mother._

**Rule # 21 Miracles Are Few And Far In Between. To Be Witness To One Is An Honor. Cherish It And Recognize It For What It Is.**

"Hey, I hurried as fast as I could!" I panted as I rushed into Angela's room. She laid there looking amused. I paused. "Why aren't you in pain?" I asked.

Ben laughed and flipped through his magazine.

"Thanks Bella, I love you, too. Glad to know you want me in pain. My water broke and Major Ass here wanted me to come straight here. I wanted to wait at home." She said with a glare.

"Looks like Major Ass…I mean Ben, won." I laughed with an apologetic look at Ben. He just smiled.

"Yes, so here I am, stuck here for hours on end when I could have labored at home and then walked across the street when I hit seven centimeters." She grumbled.

"And I told her I wasn't an obsetrician and neither was she and I wasn't sticking my fingers up there to check progress when I am paying a perfectly good doctor to do so."

"Ass." She hissed.

I laughed until she turned her glare on me.

"Sorry." I said clearing my throat and taking a seat on the opposite side of her bed. I looked at her intently.

"Will you stop staring at me?" She asked.

"I am waiting." I said.

"For what? Do you think I am going to start performing circus acts? It's a baby and I am only at three, so it will be a while. I told him not to page you yet. You could've gotten some sleep."

"And risked missing this? Never." I said sincerely.

She smiled at me and then sucked in a breath. I looked at the toco meter and saw that is was at 105.

"You are having a contraction." I told her.

"You think?" She yelled. She grabbed my hand and squeezed the life out of it.

_OuchOuchOuch!_

I wisely kept my mouth shut.

A few minutes went by and then another sucked in breath, panting and irritating insults thrown at Ben and myself.

Then again.

Then again.

"This is getting annoying." She said.

"You think?" I threw her words back at her.

Her answering glare told me to shut up. So I did.

Three hours later, a Dr. Womack showed up.

"Looks like our contractions are getting stronger." She said cheerfully. All three of us glared at her.

"Let's just check to see where we are." She checked her progress quickly. "We are at seven. We should have a baby in less than an hour." She smiled as she left.

"Who the hell was that?" I asked.

"The doctor he picked out." She said, throwing a glare at Ben.

"She came very highly recommended." He defended.

"By who? Those who speak in plural?" I asked.

"Too late now. The baby is coming. We need someone to catch." He pointed out.

"Hell, I could do that." I pointed out. "It's nothing I haven't seen before."

His raised eyebrow had me thowing my pillow at him.

"Not like that, you perv." I laughed.

Angela's sucked in breath told us that we needed to get serious.

Twenty minutes later, I pressed the nurse call button.

"Get Dr. What's Her Face in here. We have a baby coming." I ordered.

"Right away, Dr. Swan."

"How are we doing?" Dr. Womack asked, smiling.

Angela was bent over, glaring at her.

"I think that she is ready to push." I said.

Dr. Womack blinked.

"And why do you think that, Miss…"

"Dr. Swan." I said, raising an eyebrow.

"Are you an OB?" She asked.

"No. I am a neurosurgeon."

"Then again, I ask you, why do you think that?"

"Because it doesn't take a brain surgeon to see that. Oh wait, I am one and apparently it did." I said.

"Can we please focus on me?" Angela said, her face scrunched up in pain.

I threw another glare at Dr. Womack and rushed to Angela's side.

"Well let us take a look and see what is going on?"

I rolled my eyes.

She is having a baby, duh.

"Okay we are at nine. We can start pushing now." She pushed the nurse call button and asked for the Peds crew to come in. Two nurses also rushed in.

We helped to place Angela in the correct position and then with Ben and I flanking her, holding her legs, she started to push.

"Okay, there we go."

"Will you stop with the we? There is no we. There is me, pushing this huge ass kid out. You are there to catch. So shut up and do your job!" Angela screamed.

I smirked but kept my mouth shut.

Dr. Womack shot her a dirty look but concentrated on her job.

Twenty eight minutes later, Angela had a baby.

A very gooey, dark haired, red, screaming baby. It changed colors three times. Were they supposed to do that?

I watched the doctor place the baby in Angela's arms and I watched my best friend fall deeply and completely in love.

I stepped back and watched Ben envelop them both safely in his arms. I felt like I was intruding on a private moment.

Until Angela looked up at me with love still shining in her eyes.

"Come meet your god daughter." She said.

I made my way over to them and looked down. Her dark eyes locked with mine, though her gaze was unfocused. I brushed my finger over her downy cheek.

"Hi." I whispered. "I am your Aunt Bella."

I looked at Angela.

"You did good." I praised.

"Yeah, I did, huh?" She grinned.

I looked back down at the baby.

"What's her name?" I asked.

"Kamryn Marie Cheney. Her middle name is after you." She said.

I looked back up at her.

"I don't deserve that." I whispered.

"I don't know anyone who deserves it more."

"I am going to let you guys rest. I will be back later." I said.

They both nodded, their eyes never leaving their daughter.

I took one last look at my best friend's family…

Then it clicked.

Everything just became so clear in my mind.

I wanted that. I wanted to be a 'we'.

And I wanted that with Edward.

Question was…

Did Edward want that with me?

Only one way to find out.

I turned off my car and looked at his dark trailer.

Of course it was dark, it was 4am. I looked down at what was in my hand and then got out of the car. I rushed up to his door and pounded on it.

Finally I heard heavy footsteps and then the door ripped open.

"This better be good." He growled. His eyes suddenly focused on me. "Bella? It's the middle of the night. Are you okay?"

I took in his matted mess of a hair and his blue cotton pajama pants and his gray T shirt and I ached for him. I told myself to stay calm and to see this through.

"Yes. No. I don't know. You let me take my time and I think, no, I know, what I want. But I need you to take some time to decide what you want."

"Bella…"

"Let me finish. When I do this, I want to do this for…forever. I know there are no quarantees, but I am still asking for one." I thrust the book that was in my hand into his. "Read this. Take your time. I am not going anywhere. I just pray that you say the same." I smiled at him through and placed my hand on his cheek. "I will see you soon Edward."

I turned and walked away, feeling for the first time that things might just come down on the side of the Dirty Mistress.

Just this once.

God, please, just this once.

**Thanks for all the reviews. I want to address one in particular. To the anonymous person who thinks I represented myself and this story when I put it as a humorous romance, I'm sorry, but it does have a lot of humor in it (or so I think but what do I know. I'm just the writer). I have also said that this Bella is a whore. Again, no surprise. Sorry, if you don't like it but there are 150,000 more Twilight fanfictions out there that may better suit your needs. And everyone is entitled to their opinion and I respect them all IF you have the decency to sign in and not hide behind a quest review. Just my thoughts! :)**


	26. Chapter 26

**We hit 200 reviews thanks to all you lovely people! Okay, we have two more chapters and the epilogue. Watch it all tie together people. **

**EPOV**

I stood in shock watching her leave.

I wondered why she was up so late…or so early, depending how you looked at it.

I wondered what had turned her around.

I wondered why she always got the last word.

She didn't seem drunk. In fact she looked more sober than I have ever seen her. She seemed…

Sure.

I watched her taillights fading into the dusk and then turned my attention to the book she had handed me.

It was a leather journal with Isabella Marie Swan embossed in gold in the bottom right corner. Hmmm…Marie. Pretty. I hadn't known her middle name. In fact, now that I thought about it, there was a lot I didn't know about her.

But somehow I knew this was going to give me the answers, the insight, to the woman I craved.

I padded into my bedroom and slid into bed. I plumped up my pillows and got comfortable. I was off today so sleep wasn't really an issue. Besides this was way more important than sleep.

I opened the journal and laughed.

There in Bella's messy scrawl it said…

_Swan's Guide To Being Single…And Staying That Way._

Only Bella.

Inside was a note from Sue.

_December 25, 2010_

_Dear Bella,_

_I was at a loss as to what to get you this Christmas. What do you get the woman that has everything? You are so private, that I thought having a place to write your thoughts would be beneficial to you. That way it is just between you and this book. I hope you use it wisely and remember your father and I love you very much. I wish you had been with us today but I know your job is very important._

_Merry Christmas,_

_Sue_

I sighed and turned the page.

_January 1, 2011_

_Dear Journal or whatever…_

_So I guess I am supposed to write in you and tell you my deepest darkest secrets. Um…first allow me to introduce myself. I am Bella, but you probably already know this as you have my name tattooed on you. Bad move by the way. Can't remove it if we break up. And it is a sure bet we will, cause I don't do relationships. Too messy. Too dependent. Too…everything. Don't need that in my life, no sir re bob. I am just a liiittttle drunk. Just in case you were wondering._

_Anyway, I think that I will use you to state why I don't date, why I am good alone and what my rules are for successfully avoiding commitment._

_Yeah, that is what I will do. Sure that is not what Sue had in mind but, oh well._

I raised my eyebrow and kept reading. I quickly became engrossed. Seems like every few entries she wrote a rule. Rules for staying single.

_February 14, 2011_

_Dear Journal,_

_I hate this day. This day sucks. You know what else sucks? Me. God that guy was hung. Sigh. He looked like he had stamina. Wish I would've stayed now. He looked offended when I left his apartment. Why is it that when a guy brings you home, he sees kids and white picket fences in his future? It is called a one night stand for a reason._

_I looked around at the bar tonight and saw all the lovey dovey couples being all kissy kissy and for a split second I wanted that. Then one of the guys being all kissy kissy looked at the waitress's ass and just like that he was wearing his drink and his date was leaving._

_Meh, who needs it._

I cringed a little at the thought of her mouth on another guy's…

Moving on.

I read, I read for hours. I saw every day of her life through her eyes. I laughed at her snarky humor. I sighed at her apparent loneliness. I smiled at the parts after I came into her life and how hard she fought her feelings for me. I rejoiced when I saw exactly when the changing started happening.

One entry in particular caught my eye…

_October 1, 2012_

_Dear Journal,_

_I know I have been MIA…sorry for that. I have just been so busy. I just never knew how wonderful it would be letting people in. I actually look forward to Family Night and going out with Edward. I smile more and I laugh more and I am nicer (or so I have been told). Plans are in full swing for Angela's surprise baby shower. She is having a girl! I am even able to handle her hormones. For example, I was stuck working with Angela and Vicky and they were both in bitchy moods. Just handed them strawberry milkshakes and all was well._

_Back to Edward. I never knew how easy it would be to trust someone. He is so smart and funny and kind and he gets me. He doesn't judge me for my past and he seems to enjoy getting to know me, warts and all. I can't believe I am saying this, but I think that he is the ONE. I am so nervous and scared and happy all at once. Who would've thought that me, Bella Swan, could see herself settling down with just one person? I haven't thought of sex with anyone else. Then again, I haven't had sex in months…I think my good girl is getting cobwebs…_

The day that everything went topsy turvy. She thought I was sleeping with my sister. Wait, that sounded wrong…

She then took over two months to take space. To make sure. And now that she was, she was giving me the option to be sure.

I quickly read through the rest of it and felt proud of her for her growth and honored she had entrusted this to me. She had given me her by giving me her thoughts, her words, her life.

The last entry was dated today.

_December 16, 2012_

_Dear Edward,_

_I just witnessed a miracle. A living, breathing miracle and one who is my namesake. Kamryn Marie Cheney was born on December 16, 2012 at 1:24am. She weighed in at 7lbs, 6 ounces, 19 ½ inches long, dark hair and dark eyes and she is beautiful. I looked at Angela and Ben, a man so good to the core, look down at their daughter and I was envious. I wanted that. I craved that._

_Suddenly, all of my accomplishments and my rigid rules meant nothing. I was nothing. I am nothing. Not without you. I mean, it's not as though I don't know who I am but since I have met you there is no denying I am a better person. You make me want to be a better person. For no other reason than to make you smile and to make you proud._

_The first thing I noticed about you was your twinkling eyes. It drove me nuts because nothing I could do would make that twinkling stop. Then one day, it did. Because I wasn't sure. I didn't know. I wanted a guarantee. I still want one. But I know that is not feasible or realistic. People fall in love and people fall out of love. People hurt each other. But some people are lucky enough to fall in love with their soul mate, the one person that was meant for them. Dad found it in Sue, Emmett in Rose, Jasper in Alice, Renee in Phil. Some had to work to get it right, and move on after they got it wrong. But ultimately, they found it. It being love. Something I used to think was a myth._

_But I know now that it isn't. I find myself believing in it. I find myself falling deep into it._

_I love you ,Edward._

_And I know that you have some thinking to do, I get it, I do. But maybe when you are done thinking you can find me and we can have our happily ever after. Because without that, without you, what's the point?_

_So pick me, choose me, love me._

_Forever yours,_

_Bell_a

She loved me.

That was it. I was done…literally. I had found the woman I was going to spend the rest of my life with. I had just had a glimpse into her soul and what a beautiful, complex soul it was.

However, I wasn't going to jump out of bed and go after her. No, I needed a plan. A grand gesture kind of plan, one that she would never forget it.

And I figured it would take eight days for me to carry it out.

I would give her a Christmas she would never forget.

**Next chapter is HUGE at over 3100 words. **

**Oh and do you see why the journal was important?**


	27. Chapter 27

**Thanks so much for the reviews yesterday and the follows. Wow. This update is for Frosted Glaze, who reviewed so many chapters yesterday and made me laugh while doing it. :) **

_December 16, 2012_

_4:00pm_

I looked at my clock in annoyance. It had been twelve hours since I had left my journal with Edward and no friggin word from him yet. How long did it take someone to read?

Wait. What if he didn't read it? What if he just threw it aside and went back to sleep? What if he then woke up and scoffed at it? What if he had already moved on?

What if I have to see him be happy with Irina or Tia?

"I will cut a bitch." I growled.

Okay, I was losing my mind.

I had taken over two months. I could give him more than twelve hours.

I would just go see Kamryn. It was time to get my hands on that baby.

_6:00 pm_

"You are just so beautiful. Yes you are. You are going to break a lot of hearts one day. Daddy is going to have to put bars on your windows, yes he will." I cooed at Kamryn.

I heard a chuckle and looked up to see my person laughing at me.

"What?" I said indignantly.

"Nothing, just watching you, holding my daughter, talking to her like she understands one word you are saying." She said.

"She does. She is very brilliant. We Maries are." I looked down at her. "Yes, you will take on the world, Kami. Just you watch." I smiled.

"You're a natural." Angela said.

"Yeah?" I smiled at her.

"Yeah." She confirmed.

I liked that.

_December 17, 2012_

_6:00am_

I was up before my alarm, not having slept much.

I had a dream where I attended the wedding of Irina and Edward. I had thrown myself down the aisle when the preacher asked if anyone objected. She had laughed and he had sneered and told me I had had my chance and I had blown it.

Not exactly conducive for sleep.

I trudged into the bathroom to take a shower. I sighed as the hot water pounded down my tired body. I was less than enthusiastic as it turned cold. I turned off the water and then went about my morning routine. Grabbing a cup of coffee, I headed out the door.

**10:00am**

I checked my phone again. No missed calls. No texts. I sighed and put it back in my lab coat pocket.

"Dr. Swan? We have an incoming trauma and they need a neurosurgeon in the Pit."

I turned around to see Irina sitting at the nurse's station.

"Then why didn't you just page me?" I asked frostily.

"Um…because you are standing right here?" She asked unsurely.

"So? What if I hadn't been? What if I had been somewhere else? Then what would you have done?" I asked.

"Paged you?"

"Listen here, Irina don't think you can sit there and be all cute and go out with unavailable men and not have to answer for it. I am watching you. And don't you forget it. Oh and those scrubs make you look fat!" I hissed, stalking off. I could feel her astonished eyes staring at my back.

I may have overreacted just a bit.

_5:00pm_

I saw him. I saw Edward. He saw me. He nodded at me.

That was it? A head nod? What was that even supposed to mean? He read it? He didn't? Go to hell? Nice to see you but I want someone else?

Ugh. I don't speak Man.

I drove home in a daze and curled up on my couch.

Now that I decided I wanted to be a couple, being alone was suffocating.

_December 18, 2012_

_2:32am_

I tossed…and turned…tossed…and turned.

"Ugh! Let me sleep!" I yelled. At who, I didn't know.

Was this my punishment for the way I had lived?

Was Karma finally laughing her ass off at me?

Seemed that way to me.

I punched my pillow and willed sleep to find me.

_8:15am_

"Swan, you're late." Vicky barked, waddling up to me.

"You haven't had that kid yet?" I asked.

"I wish."

I could feel her scrutinizing me.

"You look like hell, Swan." She said.

"Thanks. I love you, too. Really." I deadpanned.

"I call it as I see it. And what I see is you driving yourself crazy over a man. This is not the Swan I know."

"The Swan you know is long gone. Sappy, lovestruck Swan has replaced her." I sighed.

"No, self pitying, pouting Swan has taken her place. And she is annoying and bossy. More so that you used to be before Cullen graced us with his presence. You are letting a man define who you are."

"No, I am not. I'm…waiting." I said.

"Waiting. On what?"

"Edward to…decide or whatever."

"How long has it been?" She asked.

"Three days." I said bitterly.

"Three days!" She exclaimed.

"I know, right?"

"You made him wait over two months to get your crap together and you are bitching and moaning about three lousy days?"

Oh, she wasn't agreeing with me.

"Yes?"

"Get your head out of your ass, Swan! And give him the time he so graciously bestowed upon you." She demanded, before stalking…er…waddling off. She really needed to have that kid soon. She was now as wide as she was tall.

And maybe, just maybe she was right.

As much as I hated to admit it.

_7:16pm_

"You come here often?" I heard in my right ear. I leaned back and looked at him. He was about 6'1, 220, thirtyish, blonde hair, brown eyes, cute and oh so wrong.

"Yes." I said curtly.

He sat down next to me and I rolled my eyes at Seth.

"I'm David." He said.

"I'm not interested." I said, sipping at my drink.

"O…kay." I felt him leave.

Seth chuckled.

"What?" I asked with a smile playing on my lips.

"Girl, you got it bad." He said.

"I know." I sighed.

_December 19, 2012_

_12:15pm_

"This seat taken?"

I smiled at Rose.

"It's always open for you." I told her warmly.

"Nothing?" She asked.

I shook my head 'no'.

"It will all work out." She said.

"What if it doesn't?" I asked.

"It will." She said confidently.

I wasn't so sure, but her optimism was nice.

_6:01pm_

I draped my coat over my arm and closed my locker. Suddenly the room felt too small.

I turned around and there he was. He was looking at me.

"Hey." I said softly.

"Hey."

"How have you been?" I asked.

"Good, I have been good. You?"

"I'm struggling right now." I said honestly.

He opened his mouth to speak but closed it and just nodded.

"Well I will let you go do whatever it is you have to do. Night." I said, forcing a smile and walking away.

"Night." He said.

_7:32pm_

"Night? That is all he had to say to me? What the hell?" I cursed.

Angela eyed me warily, probably wondering if I was too upset to be holding Kami.

"What did you want him to say?" She asked.

"Something along the lines of 'love you, miss you, can't live without you'. Is that so much to ask?"

"After making him wait for almost three months? Yes that is way too much to ask. Cool down, give him more time, and for god's sake, stop cursing in front of the baby. Hell is going to be here first word at this rate." She demanded.

"I would ask how your hormones were, but I think I already know." I grumbled.

She just glared at me.

_December 20, 2012_

_9:12am_

"You are still coming for Christmas, aren't you?" Sue asked.

"Yes, I took the day off last week. I actually took off until after New Years. They weren't happy but they couldn't tell me no. I have enough vacation time built up to take off for six straight months if I wanted."

"So you let them off easy, did you?" She laughed.

"Yeah, you see it, why can't they?" I asked, chuckling.

"Okay so, be at the house on Christmas Eve at 5pm. We will eat then open gifts."

"Sounds good." I said.

"Okay, see you then."

Guess I needed to get a start on my Christmas shopping. That should take my mind off of my mess of a life for a few mind numbing hours. Besides, shopping this close to Christmas was a good way to get out my aggression. I felt sorry for any rude shoppers tonight.

_7:48pm_

I placed my purchases in my trunk. That was surprisingly easy and satisfying. I had always just ordered something or other online every year for my family and had it sent to their house, since I had never showed up. I had actually had fun picking out gifts for them. My credit card was groaning but I had more than enough money to spend. I just had Charlie and Sue's left but I couldn't get that at a mall.

I stopped at Peking Sun and got some takeout. I ate dinner in my sweats in front of the TV, my fireplace roaring and the rain pelting my windows.

Somehow being alone didn't bother me as much tonight.

_December 21, 2012_

_2:11pm_

"Hey, you have a second?"

I turned in surprise and smiled at Edward.

"For you? Of course."

"It's about a case." He said.

Oh.

"Okay." I said lightly. I could do this. I could be professional.

"I have a nineteen year old patient presenting with Grand Mal seizures. No history of them. In fact, she has been healthy her whole life. No pregnancy, no malignancies. Her scans were fine. She is a medical mystery but if I don't find an answer, she is going to die."

I took the chart from his hands and set it down on the conference table, moving aside my own charts.

"Okay well let's see what we can do." I said, sitting down.

_4:33pm_

We had been working together for over two hours, pouring over her chart. He leaned back and stretched.

An idea niggled at the back of my mind, an old case from my intern year that mirrored this one.

"She fell." I said.

"What?"

"Katie. She fell during practice last week."

"Yeah. So?"

"She hit her head."

"Yeah but the fall was so minor she didn't even think to tell us. We wouldn't even know if she hadn't have gone to make sure she didn't have a concussion." He argued.

"What if she has an aneurysm?"

"The scans would have picked it up."

"Not if it was too small to detect. I think we should do an angiogram." I said, getting up.

"One and million chance." He scoffed.

"But it is still a chance, no matter how small the odds." I smiled at him.

He shook his head and smiled and then got up himself.

"Where are you going Dr. Cullen?" I asked coyly.

"To find out if Katie is one in a million."

_5:41pm_

"I'll be damned." He said sofly.

"Told ya." I smirked.

"That you did. Her parents are going to be so thrilled. Thanks Bella. You just gave this family a Christmas miracle."

"And I am going to see it through to the end. See you in surgery." I said.

"It would be a honor, Dr. Swan."

_December 22, 2012_

_9:52am_

"Irina." I nodded.

She jumped.

"Dr. Swan." She said nervously before rushing off. I chuckled.

"What did you do to her?"

I looked at Edward.

"I don't know what you mean." I said, before taking my chart and sashaying away.

Yeah, Edward, I felt your eyes on my ass.

_6:17pm_

I sat down in my living room and stared mindlessly at the blank television screen. I then got up, walked up the stairs and crawled into my big bed. I settled back onto my pillows and grabbed my book, Something Borrowed by Emily Giffin. Very different from my usual fare of medical journals and autobiographies. Apparently I liked fiction.

It was good to read a story where someone's life sucked more than my own. And a woman feeling self loathing for lusting after her best friend's boyfriend was just the thing.

I was engrossed in the book when the phone rang. I jumped, startled.

"Hello?" I asked.

"Hey."

"Edward, hi. Are you okay?" I asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I just…missed you." He admitted.

"I miss you too."

"Okay, good night, Bella."

"Night."

Then silence.

I looked at my phone in confusion.

What the hell was that about?

_December 23, 2012_

_8:52am_

"Are you sure you can't work, Isabella?" Phil asked me, once again.

"Phil, I am not having this conversation with you again. I haven't taken a vacation in eight years. Get over it and utilize those over paid attendings you hired. Besides you have Edward."

"He took off before you did. I gave it to him and then you demanded to be off and I couldn't renege on his vacation." He grumbled.

"Well that isn't really my problem, now is it? You're the chief. Be…Chiefly." I smirked as I left his office. "Oh and Merry Christmas." I said.

He frowned at me but I saw the smile in his eyes.

"I will see you Christmas Day."

"See you then."

_12:52pm_

"So what is the deal with you and Edward?" Emmett asked.

"Don't ask me." I sighed.

"Well. he won't tell me either." He complained.

"Then I guess you are shit out of luck." I replied.

"Bitch." He said.

"Whore." I stated.

"Yep." We both said, before laughing.

"What did you get Sue and Charlie?" He asked.

"It's a secret." I said.

"I can keep a secret." He said.

"Ha, not on your life." I laughed before leaving him at the table.

_5:04pm_

I walked slowly over to him, as he shrugged his coat on.

"Merry Christmas, Edward." I said.

He turned around.

"Christmas is two days away." He pointed out.

"Yeah, but we will both be off and I don't know when I will see you next so in case I don't see you, Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas." He said.

We stood there awkwardly.

"Do you have plans?" I asked.

"Yes, I have big plans." Was all he said.

"Oh, well, good night." I said.

"Night." He called after me.

_December 24, 2012_

_4:56pm_

"Merry Christmas!" Sue exclaimed, enveloping me in a hug before I was even in the door.

"Merry Christmas." I said, as I hugged her tightly. I pulled back and smiled brightly.

"Where is everyone?"

"In the den, where else?" She laughed.

I followed her into the room and was met by a huge chorus of Merry Christmas and one Happy Hannukah from Emmett which caused everyone to roll their eyes. He was about as Jewish as the Pope.

Dinner was a racous affair with lots of laughter and smiles. The food was excellent and the company, fantastic.

Gifts were exchanged in a unorganized manner. Emmett, was as bad as Jake, ripping the paper off of each gift. Emma just stared at it, not sure of what she was to do or more likely, wondering what was wrong with her father.

They all exclaimed over their gifts from me. I had gotten Rose and Alice diamond earrings, Emmett and Jasper gift cards to their favorite stores, Emma and Jake an assortment of clothes and educational, and noisy, toys. I laughed at the glares from Alice and Jasper as Jake opened his drum set.

"Your turn is coming one day, Swan." Jasper warned.

I just raised my eyebrow and smiled.

I had received a new lab coat from Rose and Emmett, the whole Sandra Bullock anthology from Alice and Jasper and a gift certificate to a spa from Charlie and Sue.

Then came my gift to them.

Sue smiled at me as she opened the envelope and then her mouth dropped and Charlie, well his reaction was very un Charlie like.

"Fuck me." He said.

I laughed.

"A trip around the world? You got us a two month trip around the world?" She asked, crying softly.

"Yeah. I figured you have spent your whole lives taking care of us that you should take care of yourself now."

She got up and hugged me tightly.

"This is amazing. Thank you." She said, as she kissed my cheek.

"You're amazing." I whispered.

_11:32pm_

I let myself in my house and sighed at the silence. I should've stayed and spent the night at Dad and Sue's. I locked my door, slipped off my shoes and my coat and padded into the living room, flipping the light switch as I did and I stopped short, frozen in shock.

My living room had been converted into Santa's Playhouse. There were lights around each window, garland draped over the fireplace mantle, bows tied to lamps and chair backs, silver tinsel draped over my entertainment center. In the dead center of my living room was an enormous tree complete with lights, ornaments, garland, tinsel, and a big bright star on top. There were even presents under it.

What kind of burglers break into your house and decorate?

I moved closer to the tree and trailed my fingers over all the decorations. One in particular stood out.

It was a silver frosted ball with Our First Christmas etched into it. Then a movement reflected off a red shiny ornanment and I whirled around.

I blinked when I saw Edward leaning on my door frame dressed in jeans, white shirt with a red sweater over it, sneakers and a Santa hat to match.

"Hey." He said, his eyes twinkling.

My bottom lip trembled as tears started pouring out of my eyes. He stood up straight and moved toward me with me meeting him halfway and sobbing into his shirt.

"You're here." I sobbed.

"I'm here." He confirmed.

"What took you so long?" I asked.

"What? It took time to plan this." He said, laughing.

"You did it to drive me crazy." I accused.

"Maybe. But I always knew what I wanted." He said earnestly. "It killed me not being close to you all this time. But I wanted you to remember this day always. Your first Christmas."

"My first Christmas."

"Our first Christmas." He declared.

"I like the sound of that." I said.

"Time to open presents." He winked.

I let him drag me in front of the tree and then he nestled me to rest between his legs, my back to his front. He handed me a present.

I looked at him warily.

"Open it!" He demanded eagerly.

I tore it open and laughed. It was a wrinkled napkin from O'Malley's. I looked at Edward.

"From the night we met." He said. I smiled and opened the next gift.

"A leaf?" I asked.

"From the cliff." He explained.

I gave him a weird look.

When it was all said and done, I had gotten a napkin, a leaf, a page from a chart, a coffee mug from diner we had our pity coffee at and coupon for a free cheesecake from the Cheesecake Factory.

I leaned back against him.

"I didn't get you anything!" I exclained sitting up suddenly.

"Shh. I have you. Best present ever. But I did get you one more present." He settled a wrapped gift into my lap.

"Edward." I protested.

"Just open it."

I opened it and gasped.

It was a leather journal just like the one I had given him. I flipped through the empty pages but saw an insciption in the front of the book.

_Dear Bella,_

_I thought you could use a new journal to document your journey on being one half of a committed couple. I know that I might drive you crazy at times and you will need a place to rant, especially during the early stages of our relationship when you might not want to rock the boat. At times, you will be insecure and uncertain about us. But I want you to know one thing._

_I love you, too._

_And that will be the one thing that keeps us together._

_Love,_

_Edward._

_Aka Twinkle Eyes_

I laughed through my tears and looked up at him. I leaned up and kissed him on his mouth gently.

"Merry Christmas, Bella." He whispered.

"Merry Christmas, Edward."

My first Christmas as an adult would be the one I would never forget.

I had a job I loved, a family I loved and a man I loved.

But most of all, I loved myself.

And that was the most important present of all.

***Sniff* Just the epilogue left.**


	28. Chapter 28

**EPILOGUE**

_September 16, 2015_

I watched my husband, probably the most level headed man I have ever known, scurry around our room in a fit of nerves.

"Which shirt?" He asked, holding up two.

"We are not going to a fashion show, Edward. Just pick one." I told him calmly and then returned to writing in my journal.

"You're right." He said, shrugging into a shirt. He moved into my eyeline and I blinked and held back a laugh.

"Edward?" I asked.

"Yeah." He said eagerly, looking over me quickly.

"That's my shirt." I pointed out.

He looked down at his…er…my shirt and cursed, throwing it off and grabbing a tee shirt out of the drawer. He then rushed out of the room and I heard a crash in the other room.

I laughed lightly.

He rushed back in our room and started throwing items in the bag; clothes, shoes, socks…

Then a trip to the bathroom where my shampoo, soap, lotion, face cream, two towels…

"Honey, they have all that where we are going." I called out.

"Oh, right." Out that stuff went.

"Did you call everyone?" He asked.

"Yes, Edward."

"How are you feeling?" He asked.

"Great, Edward."

"Okay, I think we are good to go." He nodded as if agreeing with himself. He then grabbed the two huge bags and ran out the door.

Without me.

I just smiled knowingly and resumed scratching my pen on paper.

_Dear Journal,_

_Well, this is it. The moment we have waited for for…ever. Well, really just over a year, but you know what I mean. Edward is frazzled, which makes me laugh because Edward is never frazzled. In fact, I just heard his car back out of the driveway. Hope he remembers he forgot me soon before he gets too far._

_I find that I am remembering our wedding day so much more these last few days. How I felt when I saw him standing there at the edge of our cliff, now the sight of our home, waiting for me in his suit and tie. How his face looked when he saw me and how his eyes twinkled when he took my hand from my father and told me how beautiful I looked. How his eyes brightened with tears as he choked through his vows. How I felt when he kissed me for the first time as husband and wife and how he had whispered 'mine'. How he looked when I mouthed it right back to him. How we danced under the stars, forgetting anyone was around us. How Irina had caught the bouquet and went on the prowl for the single guys at our wedding and finally hooked up with an unsuspecting bartender. How my father tried to hide his tears as we danced together, telling me I would always be his baby girl. How I cried at his words._

_It all runs together in a constant loop._

_How easily we adjusted to living together, sharing chores, while working together day in and day out. How we would fight and he would always let me have the last word, because he knew it drove me crazy if I didn't. How we would make love all night long to make up for our harsh words. How he looked sheepish when I discovered that was why he was picking fights…_

_How hard it was when we decided to have children and discovered we would have to have medical intervention. How hopeful we were when we underwent IVF. How sad we were when I miscarried the first time._

_But we got through it all. The last two years have flown by and I feel like, at 37, my life is just beginning. Now. Today._

_Oh, I hear Edward's car ripping into the driveway. I had better go. It's time._

_With all my love,_

_Me._

"Bella?" Edward called out panicked. "I am so sorry I forgot you!"

"I'll be right down." I yelled back. I stood up carefully and stretched to try to work out the kinks of my very sore back. I held the bottom of my huge stomach and reached down to pick up my already packed bag. The one I have had packed for one month. The one Edward helped me pack…

I looked around my room and smiled.

Then I looked down at my stomach, rubbing it lovingly.

"Well, looks like it's time, Kiddos. Make this easy on your poor Mama, cause I am not sure your Daddy can handle much more excitement tonight. He looks like he is about to pass out as it is. Okay?"

I reached over and shut my journal and put it in my bedside drawer, tracing my fingers over the embossment before shutting the drawer.

_Swan's Guide To Being Married…And Staying That Way_

"Bella?"

"Coming!" I yelled, before turning out my light and waddling down the stairs.

It was time to welcome the newest members of our family.

Now our lives would be complete.

**And that's all folks! It's been a crazy 6 weeks. Thanks for the reviews, all of them, even the bad ones. Thanks to all who pimped it out. Maybe you will see be again one day. Who knows. **

**Steph**


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